Ok, I'm sure plenty of people have seen these before, but I thought they were funny enough to post. I just bolded a couple favorites.
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake
"When the sun comes up, I have morals again."
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or
where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
"Ah, yes, divorce,... from the Latin word meaning to
rip out a man's genitals through his wallet". Robin Williams
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a
place." Billy Crystal
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a
woman I don't like and just give her a house." Rod Stewart
"On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth.
On the other hand, we can open all our own jars." Bruce Willis (On the difference between men and women)
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter
what she's reading." Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a
sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." Tiger Woods
"Thing you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an
attractive scrotum!' Patricia Arquette
"Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer.
But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master." Rev. Jesse Jackson
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a
son-of-a-bitch." Jack Nicholson
"Women complain about pre-menstrual syndrome, but I
think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." Unknown
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more
comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, whereas, of course, men are just grateful." Robert De Niro
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting
that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" Dustin Hoffman
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.' " Jerry
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake
that, you're in." Courtney Cox, (Monica on "Friends")
"I read somewhere that 77 percent of all the mentally
ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves." Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a
penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." Robin Williams
One man with courage makes a majority.