A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. When they made it to the bedroom, they saw a big brass gong next to the bed. "What's a big brass gong doing in your bedroom? " one of the guests asked.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
"Yup," replied the drunk.
"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.
"Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave it an ear-shattering pound. The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "YOU ASSHOLE, IT'S TEN PAST THREE IN THE MORNING!"
I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. -Crash Davis
Stewie : [watching a baseball game] Why does that man drop his club before he runs? I would bring it with me!