I dunno if I can meet your qualifications, but here's my take. Your hitting looks great. Only possible flaw I can see is that in a 12 team league, you may be a little short on speed. You definitely seem to have drafted offense ahead of pitching, which I think is the right approach. But you have enough power (and with Kearns on the bench!) that you might think about dealing Tejada for an ace starter and starting Matsui. Or you might deal Matsui and upgrade from Aramis or Konerko, who I think will be decent, no more. After having him last season, I kind of hate him, but I realize that this is irrational. In any case, you have three of probably the top 8 shortstops in MLB this year, which is obviously a great position to deal from. If this is a 12-team league, you made out like a bandit, in terms of hitting.
Your relief staff is pretty good, though I don't see where your holds are going to come from. There's just Ben Weber, I guess, especially now that Affeldt is in the rotation. Your four closers are marginal-ish. But I like Riske, and think Benitez will be pretty solid. I'm not sold on Joe Nathan, but that's just my intuition, and is to be discarded. I do think your starting staff falls off a lot after the great Santana and Matt Morris, and the perfectly decent Joel Pineiro. So I guess if I was you, and believe me I wish I was, at least in terms of your squad, I would trade a SS for a SP.