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Hitman.us: Permanent Solutions to Common Problems!

PostPosted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 12:14 am
by StlSluggers
Hitman: The best place to put your problems is in a grave.

We are a privately-owned independent enterprise that specializes in reliable contract killings. We offer a variety of assassination services, customized to suit particular needs of our clients.

Our firm consists of a small team of highly-skilled, and experienced, specialists. We are the industry leader in innovative killing approaches and have built a lasting reputation over decades of outstanding services for clients on five continents.

Instead of fiddling around with amateur killing techniques and messing up crime scenes just pick up the phone and give us a call. After reviewing your case, our team will develop a customized package that is best-suited for your particular situation. You provide us with the name of your mark, along with a photo and personal details, and take a vacation; we'll make sure one of our specialists sends flowers to the grieving widow while you enjoy your margaritas on the beach.

Our basic contracts start at $50,000 per head (plus expenses). A basic contract includes a simple killing that is traditionally accomplished by administering two rounds of ammunition, at close range, into the back of the head, through a silenced .32 caliber pistol. Typically the mark doesn't even feel a thing. We use Glaser Safety Slugs that ensure a guaranteed kill, by exploding and fragmenting inside the brain. Thanks to the small caliber pistol the entry wound is extremely small; sometimes the external damage is so minimal that the entry wound can completely be covered by the hair and is often not immediately apparent to a medical examiner that doesn't know right away what cause of death to look for. Typically, there is no exit wound. Furthermore, we use untraceable, first-time-use weapons.

We offer discounts for packages of three hits or more, as long as the marks are all grouped together in one geographic location, and as long as our services have to be rendered all within the same timeframe.

What have some of our clients had to say about us:

"This guy moved in next door. I didn't like the way he looked in that shirt. So, I called HITMAN. I never saw him again. Or his shirt. Serves him right."

D.G. -- Retired Truck Driver



"I had tenants that weren't paying rent. I had been taking them to court for several years and they were always able to beat the system, because they knew all the tricks and technicalities. All this added up to aggravation, time lost, and attorney fees. Then I contacted HITMAN and my problem was expediently solved next day. Next morning I read the headline in the paper that my tenants were found dead of a drug overdose. The police was not really interested in investigating the death of two junkies. Case closed."

T.J. -- Landlord



"My neighbor was having an affair with my daughter. One day he disappeared and no one could figure out where he had left. Next time I saw him was at Bodies the Exhibition, not as a visitor, but as part of the exhibit. I took my daughter to see the show. She couldn't stop talking about how much she liked the exhibit and all the specimens that were on show. It was really hard keeping all this laughter from bursting out. My stomach muscles hurt for days."

J.M. -- Entrepreneur

:-D ;-D

Re: Hitman.us: Permanent Solutions to Common Problems!

PostPosted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 12:31 am
by AussieDodger
"This guy moved in next door. I didn't like the way he looked in that shirt. So, I called HITMAN. I never saw him again. Or his shirt. Serves him right."

D.G. -- Retired Truck Driver



:-b

Re: Hitman.us: Permanent Solutions to Common Problems!

PostPosted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 9:28 am
by Dan Lambskin
meh...i prefer DDDDC.com