Chicago Cubs catcher Geovany Soto said he has been informed by the International Baseball Federation that he tested positive for marijuana at the World Baseball Classic.
"While I fully acknowledge my inappropriate behavior, I want to assure my fans and my family that this was an isolated incident," Soto said in a statement released by the Cubs. "I do not say this to minimize or deflect from my conduct and I fully understand the ramifications of my actions. I have and will accept any and all consequences.
"I am fully dedicated to the game of baseball and my teammates, and I apologize for any distraction and embarrassment this may cause them."
Doesn't he know pot is a gateway drug? Weed leads directly to black tar heroin, which leads directly to anabolic steroids, which lead directly to women's fertility drugs. He should have all of his career home runs preemptively taken away. Then he should be fired. Out of a cannon. Into the sun.
Why, Geovany? Why did you let all of your fans down? Why did you sully the national pastime, what with your marijuana cigarettes and your reefer madness?