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Carlin wrote:Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front-row seat.
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them; I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
Cedric the Entertainer
David Alan Grier
Andrew Dice Clay
knapplc wrote:It's funny because he's best known for his Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television, but he was a strong advocate of free speech, and he really did have a greater amount of intelligence and wisdom than your average stand-up. He wasn't just up there spouting off "dirty" words for shock value, there was a message about freedom there as well, and while it was funny, it made you think, too.
How many comedians can you really say that about?
George Carlin wrote:Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.
Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park. The baseball park!
Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium, sometimes called Soldier Field or War Memorial Stadium.
Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.
Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
In football you wear a helmet.
In baseball you wear a cap.
Football is concerned with downs - what down is it?
Baseball is concerned with ups - who's up?
In football you receive a penalty.
In baseball you make an error.
In football the specialist comes in to kick.
In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.
Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.
Baseball has the sacrifice.
Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog...
In baseball, if it rains, we don't go out to play.
Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.
Football has the two minute warning.
Baseball has no time limit: we don't know when it's gonna end - might have extra innings.
Football is rigidly timed, and it will end even if we've got to go to sudden death.
In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling; emotions may run high or low, but there's not too much unpleasantness.
In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you're capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.
And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different:
In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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