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Don't Be That Fan...

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Re: Don't Be That Fan...

Postby Matthias » Tue Feb 05, 2008 11:13 am

The funny bit of AussieDodger's list is that avs is a Rox fan.

But so some other fan types....

The James Cagney Fan
Although these fans live in beggary, they promise themselves and others that undreamed of prosperity is just around the corner. "Ohhhh.... I know I might not look like much, but in two years, it'll all be different, ALL DIFFERENT! You'll see!!!!" These fans are the hardest to talk to in the MLB since by the time that anything they say is provable, they've moved on to a new prediction.

The Fan Spouse
A fan still not yet emerged from its chrysalis, these people humor their spouses and significant others by sharing their passion. It is never sure what sort of fan will emerge when the metamorphosis is done, but signs that it is ongoing are: overheard comments on the colors of the teams' uniforms, spending the time at the game looking around without ever focusing on the action, and believing that some 40-year old hussy wearing, "The Future Mrs. Jeter" T-shirt is actually engaged to the Yankees SS.

The, "All Things Considered, I'd Rather Be in Kansas" Luxury Box Fan
Strictly speaking, these people aren't fans at all. But they're worth mentioning because they're the most hated people in any stadium. By virtue of some corporate affiliation, these scums of the Earth have access to God's seats in the ballpark that any true fan would give his left molar to have. Yet these douche bags have no interest in the sports whatsoever, treating the event instead as a chance to impress their clients by showing how, even though they're 38 years old, they're still a college frat boy in reality. These non-fans won't show up until the third inning, be hammered by the sixth, and have left by the seventh. Most likely, by the time the 9th inning has rolled around, they'll be settled into a strip club.

The Eeyore Fan
The fan who is always prepared for the worst for his team, no matter how good the situation may look. A 10-run lead going into the 9th inning to win the division only looks like a massive opportunity to revalidate years of frustration and loss. Being 25 games up in the divison going into August is just a chance at an epic collapse. The fan's most insightful commentary will generally be along the lines of, "Those f***ers" as they turn off the TV set because their team just gave up a hit. Do not allow these fans to talk to The James Cagney Fan if they are fans of the same teams. It is unsure what will happen, but the universe may explode.
0-3 to 4-3. Worst choke in the history of baseball. Enough said.
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