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So what if the end of the world is nigh?
THE Rapture Index has been high this week. It reached 158 on Thursday, which is in the "fasten your seat belts" alert zone, writes Terry Lane.
All the indicators point to the imminent return of our Lord and the rapture of the faithful, wherein we will be taken up to be with Him in the sky.
If you don't believe me, you can check it out for yourself at raptureready.com.
The rise of the Democrats in the US opinion polls before this week's congressional elections has boosted the Rapture Index a few points. Triumphant liberalism is one sign that we are living in the last days.
Raptureready is adamant that no true believer could even think of voting Democrat. "There is one thing certain we can state, based upon the integrity of Bible truth. Jesus would never endorse or be a member of any party whose platform supports abortion, gay rights, and a general hostility to Bible-believing Christians."
The Republican Party may be flawed because it is a party of sinful men and women, but at least it tries. Jesus wouldn't vote for them because they are not good enough, but given the choices on offer it's better for repentant sinners to vote Republican than Democrat.
But look on the bright side. If the Democrats manage to get control of Congress on Tuesday, the Rapture Index will go off the scale.
Born-again Bible-believing Christians have an insight into things like resource depletion and climate change not vouchsafed to the un-saved. The Bible says that there will be earthquake, famine, plague, drought and pestilence at the end of time, so who is surprised?
Think of this. All those Chicken Littles squawking about running out of oil and stuffing up the atmosphere are just not facing facts. When God made the earth 6000 years ago, He knew exactly how long it had to last. He knows everything. So He put just enough oil and coal in the ground and provided precisely the volume of clean air that we needed to see us out before the Rapture and Armageddon.
Speaking of Armageddon, there's no point getting your knickers in a knot over developments in the Middle East. It's all part of God's plan. Jesus is not coming back until all the Jews have gone home to the ancestral land given by Yahweh to Abraham. There is bound to be some unpleasantness in the process. Not to worry. Just keep praying and sending cluster bombs.
On a Wacky Religion Worry Scale of 1 to 10, where would you put all of the above compared with one Sydney mufti telling young women to cover up or they're asking for it?
Of course, what we don't know is just how much of God's grand plan for the end of everything motivates George the Smaller.
According to evangelical American clergyman Jim Wallis: "Many of the president's critics make the mistake of charging that his faith is insincere at best, a hypocrisy at worst and mostly a political cover for his right-wing agenda. I don't doubt that (his) faith is sincere and deeply held." Wallis finds Bush's sincerity more scary than if he were an opportunistic hypocrite. Me too.
One sign that the Second Coming is nigh is the emergence of false Christs. Raptureready reports that "A gentleman in Florida has made news by claiming to be Christ". This gets a rating of three on the five-point rapture index.
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