These are the things I like the most about these jerkoffs.
Hewitt: Apparantly he was playing James Blake (black) and a black linesman kept calling Hewitt for errors. Hewitt went to the head judge and pointed the linesman and asked him what the similarity was between he and Blake?
AJ: The most telling of the many, many (seriously, you wouldn’t believe how willing people were to talk about this guy) Pierzynski anecdotes we heard took place during spring training in 2004. Pierzynski, crouched behind the plate, took a pitch to the groin. Rushing to his aid, trainer Stan Conte asked him how he felt. “Like this!” Pierzynski grunted, then savagely kneed Conte in the balls.
Mickelson: I couldn't find anything other than other golfers thinking he's cocky. I didn't find anything Tiger doesn't do.
Bonzi: Recalls sportswriter Jason Quick, who covered Bonzi in Portland: “He would flip off a fan and the next day say, ‘I blacked out.’ He’s such a con man. When the TV lights went on, he’d put on that million-dollar smile, then be an #### when they left.” He spat, infamously, on Danny Ferry. He bitched constantly at his coaches. He was fined for bad-mouthing his own fans in Sports Illustrated. He made a veiled threat after a reporter wrote a negative story about him. “He told me, ‘Don’t be surprised one day if you show up to practice with a steak over your eye,’ ” Quick remembers. “And I said, ‘If you want to do that, I’ll be a rich man.’ He said, ‘I’m not dumb enough to do it myself. I’ll have my posse do it.’ ”
Iconelli: He has been coined as a Basshole (I love this).
No wakes means no wakes. “A lot of times, he has eight to ten boats following him,” says Brauer. At Lake Wissota in 2005, Brauer adds, “He would come charging into our area with his group and just totally ransack the whole little basin for an hour and then be gone. He ruined the water.”
Lose with honor. At the Bassmaster Classic—the Super Bowl of angling—in Charlotte in 2004, Iaconelli “was suffering from a bad day of fishing,” says rival Bernie Schultz, “and he deliberately fished out-of-bounds to get himself disqualified. It’s very difficult to even get qualified for that championship, and he turned it into a circus act. It was an inexcusable way of keeping himself in the forefront with the media. I know it was calculated. I know he did it purposefully.”
Kobe: We all know, SC has let us hear all about it.
Schilling: Seems to be the classic, what's best for me is what I do person.
So avid is Schilling’s longing for the spotlight that some of his peers raise doubts about his now legendary turn in the 2004 postseason, when he pitched on an ankle tendon that had been sutured in place. During Game 6, cameras cut repeatedly to the bright red stain on Schilling’s sock. It was blood, right? “The Diamondbacks people think he definitely doctored that sock,” says the sportswriter. The ex-teammate laughs: “All around baseball, people questioned that. It was funny how the stain didn’t spread.”
Busch: He may be my favorite ass.
Last November, after being pulled over outside Phoenix, Busch said to the officers on duty, “Aren’t you supposed to be directing traffic somewhere?” When the officers asked Busch to perform a field sobriety test, he said, “I’m not doing this #### test!” and was summarily cuffed and arrested (though later released). “We weren’t trying very hard to find out about anything, frankly,” says a source for Roush Racing, Busch’s former team. “But when we saw what the sheriff told the AP, we said, ‘We gotta get into it.’ Forget that he tried to spin it that he’d never had a drink. The whole police interaction, that whole level of flouting authority, is just so far out-of-bounds for the expected behavior of a NASCAR driver.”
During a race last October, he goes on, Busch said of his team’s owner over the radio, “Tell Jack Roush to stick his head up his ####.” And according to the Roush source, “Busch relentlessly criticized his teammates over the radio. He’d call ’em out during the race and tell ’em they’re going to be fired.” At one point this spring, Busch’s entire crew threatened to quit, until his crew chief, Jimmy Fenning, calmed them down.
When everything went Busch’s way on the track in 2004, the press began to think that maybe he’d grown up. “That was always our spin with him: He has matured,” says our Roush source.
Bonds: We all know
T.O.: We all know as well.
You have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who walks into the middle of a movie...