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BSSC Round 2 - Abe Simpson vs. Apu

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Abe or Apu?

Poll ended at Sun Oct 30, 2005 11:23 am

Abe Simpson
Total votes : 22

BSSC Round 2 - Abe Simpson vs. Apu

Postby ironman » Fri Oct 28, 2005 11:23 am

Abraham Simpson


Wikipedia wrote:Abraham J. Simpson ("Grampa" or "Abe") is a fictional character featured in the animated cartoon television series The Simpsons. His voice is provided by voice actor Dan Castellaneta.

Abraham J. Simpson was born in an English-speaking European country, probably Ireland or Wales, although he forgets which one. The odds are against it being Ireland, as he claims that he "Drove the Irish out of Springfield Village" as a young man. He was the son of Orville Simpson and Yuma Hickman. He immigrated to the United States as a child with his parents, where they lived in the Statue of Liberty until they supposedly (according to Abe) filled the head with garbage. As a boy, he was once voted the handsomest boy in Albany, New York. As a young boy, Abe enlisted in World War I by lying about his age.

Abe's exact age is indeterminate, perhaps inconsistent in the series. This includes his being older or younger than fellow cast member Charles Montgomery Burns. He brags that President of the United States Grover Cleveland (March 18, 1837 - June 24, 1908) spanked him on two non-consecutive occasions (a play on Cleveland's two non-consecutive terms of office). He admits to having "taken a shot at Teddy Roosevelt," (October 27, 1858 - January 6, 1919). He is also known to be a decorated war hero, having paradoxically earned the German Iron Cross during his service in the United States Army -- clearing mine-fields.

During the Second World War Sgt. Simpson was the leader of the Flying Hellfish squad. Among those in his command was Burns. After "liberating" a stash of priceless art from the Nazis, they formed a tontine, and buried the art in a trunk at sea. Decades later, Burns tried to murder Abe in order to get the art. This prompted Abe to violate the tontine because he knew the now-deceased Hellfish wouldn't want Burns to wind up with them. After Abe and Bart got the art back from Burns in a spectacular chase, agents from the United States State Department arrived, and gave the art to their "rightful" owner, a snooty young German aristocrat. Grampa Simpson has also been noted as saying "I haven't felt this relaxed since I was watchman at Pearl Harbor", implying that he had been stationed there.

Abe also said that he was in The Wizard of Oz. The legs that curled up when the ruby slippers were removed were his.

He also claimed to have served on PT-109, where he and two other crewmen beat up John F. Kennedy, thinking he was a Nazi. It should be noted that the vast majority of his memories of the past are known to be wildly inaccurate and often physically or historically impossible and thus most likely to be symptoms of his senility. For example, he once referred to Sarah Bernhart as a former president, and claims to have personally turned cats and dogs against each other. He is also known to have retired as a Colonel.

There is evidence that Abe was not a kind or caring father to Homer (as he told Homer on his first day of school: "Homer, you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it!") Homer does not seem to particularly resent these casual abuses, considering his father's now feeble state.

After the war, Abe held a variety of jobs, including being a farmer in Homer's early childhood until the bank foreclosed on his farm (after the cows began giving sour milk); this was presumably followed by years spent as night watchman at a cranberry silo. He spent most of this time living in a house he won on a crooked 1950s game show, until he sold it to help Homer buy a house for his family. Abe moved in with the Simpsons after selling his house, but was quickly sent to a retirement home about a three weeks later.

Abraham Simpson is estranged husband to Mona Simpson, father to Homer Jay Simpson and Herbert Powell, father-in-law to Marjorie Bouvier Simpson and grandfather to siblings Bartholomew J. Simpson, Lisa Marie Simpson and Margaret Simpson. He also fathered a daughter named Abbie by a British lady named Edwina while in England during World War II. He was briefly married to Amber, the woman Homer married while in Vegas. Also in The Simpsons Uncensored Family Album, the family tree shows his parents' names to be Orville Simpson and Yuma Hickman.

Abraham Simpson's name derives from Matt Groening's real-life grandfather's first name. However, the writers of The Simpsons were the ones that chose the name, not Groening. Also, one of Matt Groening's sons is named Abraham.

His name as "Grampa" seems to be obscure and mysterious. Originally, the name seems to have come from the fact that he was Bart, Lisa, and Maggie's grandfather. However, his Junior Buckaroo Badge contains the name "Little Grampa Simpson". This would be impossible, since it is thought that he obtained his badge during his childhood, long before he even had sons.

He was married for a number of years to Mona, who left him after becoming entranced with the hippie lifestyle and going on the lam while Homer was very young. She came back three decades later, but Abe's bids to woo her and win her back were met with ambivalence at best.

Before his marriage, during WW2, he had an affair with a woman in England named Edwina, producing an illegitimate daughter, Abbie, whom he did not meet until she was grown.

He once even got as far as dating the oldest woman ever, with her age at 120 years old. But the short-lived romance fell quickly after she spent most of her time with the Guinness crowd. He wore a 13 pound beard of bees for her but it was not enough to win back her heart.

Another affair, with a nameless prostitute he met at a carnival, produced Herbert Powell. Herb was adopted by Edward Powell and Mililani Osler and worked his way up from poverty to found a successful automotive design business. Believing himself to be dying, Abe confessed his infidelity to Homer, sending him on a quest to find his half-brother.

In his golden years Abe dated Bea Simmons, a fellow resident of his retirement home. Bea passed away and left Abe a little over a hundred grand in her will. After some soul-searching Abe later used his newfound wealth to refurbish the falling-down Springfield Retirement Castle, including a fancy new memorial dining hall in Bea's name.

He briefly dated another fellow golden-ager, but her head was turned by a slick elderly gentleman at the home with a spiffy car. Abe realized, following an ill-fated jaunt to Branson, Missouri that she was a "hoochie" and totally wrong for him.

He also, for the span of one episode, dated his daughter-in-law's mother, Jacqueline Bouvier. She later started dating Charles Montgomery Burns and almost married him, though the marriage was stopped by Abe.

Grampa Simpson is an ancient, grizzled, periodically incontinent, and mostly senile figure who lives in the Springfield Retirement Castle, a sad, lonely place filled with demented, crippled, and depressed old people (a sign near the entrance says "Thank you for not discussing the outside world").

His rambling stories trail away in forgetfulness and despair:

"You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day I seen J. D. Rockefeller flying by. So I run out of the house with a big washtub and... hey! Where are you going?"
"Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. I used my washtub that morning to clean my turkey, which back then was called a 'walking bird'. We had walking bird on Thanksgiving with cranberry sauce, potatoes, and stuffing full of gun powder. We also sat around and watched football, which back then was called baseball."

* "Long story an expression whose meaning is long and rambling"

They sometimes cause serious delay, as in a shopping queue at Monstromart:

"This nickel has a long and iteresting history. It dates back to one morning in 1957. I got up and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to 3 - medium brown . . . "

A recurring feature is Abe's constant explanation of what happened "in those days":

"We can’t bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don’t go anywhere -- like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. 'Give me five bees for a quarter,' you’d say.
"Now where were we? Oh yeah -- the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..."

Bart and Lisa dread his occasional childminding sessions; even a phone call has its dangers (" ... and that's everything which happened in my life right up to the time I got this phone call...") -- at least until he falls asleep and leaves them to their own devices. In the meantime, he fills his time with complaining about anything and everything to anyone and everyone he can find.

Abe is President of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance according to a card he finds in his wallet, although he does not know why. He is also an Elk, a Mason, a Communist, and member of the Stonecutters, enabling Homer to join this secret society.




Wikipedia wrote:Apu Nahasapeemapetilon (sometimes spelled Nahasapeemapetilan) is a fictional character featured in The Simpsons television series. He is the proprietor of the Kwik-E-Mart (a subsidiary of Nordyne Defense Dynamics), the local convenience store. He is an immigrant from India, and like most Simpsons characters is a caricature of a common stereotype—that of the South Asian convenience store owner. His most defining characteristics are his exaggerated Indian English, his devotion to the Hindu god Ganesh and his indefatigable immigrant work-ethic. His catchphrase is "thank you, come again," cheerfully and dutifully repeated to customers after a transaction. His name is a homage to the main character in the "Apu Trilogy" directed by Satyajit Ray.

Apu has more episodes revolving around him than any other minor Simpsons character.

Apu is married to his wife Manjula, who bore octuplet children: Anoop, Uma, Nabendu, Poonam, Pria, Sandeep, Sashi, and (Mama's clear favorite) Gheet.

Apu and Manjula were wed through an arranged marriage. Despite trying to wriggle out of the arrangement at first, Apu was won over soon after meeting Manjula and the two actually did fall in love. Later, Manjula gave birth to the amazing number of eight children after receiving a larger-than-recommended dose of fertility drugs. Apu and Manjula have a mostly happy marriage, despite understandable marital problems caused by Apu's workaholic nature (he seems to be at his post around the clock), the strain of caring for eight children, and two instances of infidelity by Apu. He and his family are devotees of the Hindu gods Shiva, Ganesha, and Vishnu. During Apu's wedding, Homer, in a misguided attempt to play on the bride and groom's families' fear of the gods, arrived dressed as the Hindu god Ganesh. The impersonation was seen through by one of Apu's relatives and failed miserably. Before his marriage, Apu became known as the leading ladies' man in Springfield, due to the fact that he holds a PhD and runs his own business. He also admitted, "I'm not much of a talker, but I love to listen. I also like to design and build furniture and then to have a discussion about where it could be placed in a room," which made the single women of Springfield go crazy for him.

Apu is a naturalized U.S. citizen, and holds a Ph.D. in computer science. He graduated first in his class of seven million at 'Caltech'—the Calcutta Technical Institute—going on to earn his doctorate at the Springfield Heights Institute of Technology. His doctoral dissertation was the world's first computer program to play perfect tic-tac-toe (Bart Simpson ruined it years later by plucking a random punch card out of the box along with several others while commenting, "Hey, what's this one do?" Apu promptly pitched it into the trash). Apu began working at the Kwik-E-Mart during his college years to help pay off his student loan, but never left. He remained an illegal immigrant until Mayor Quimby proposed a municipal law to expel all illegals, at which point Apu, with help from Lisa Simpson, successfully passed his citizenship test.

During the early 1980s Apu was a member of the barbershop quartet The Be Sharps, which also consisted of Homer Simpson, Barney Gumble and Seymour Skinner. Upon the advice of Nigel, the band manager, Apu took the stage name, Apu duBeaumarchais (a pun: "du beau marché" means "of the beautiful market" in French).

Sanjay is Apu's brother who helps him run the Kwik-E-Mart. Sanjay's daughter (and Apu's niece) is Pahusacheta. Sanjay's son is Jamshed. They all share the Nahasapeemapetilon surname. Apu also has another younger brother, who is only mentioned in the episode of his marriage. When Apu's and Manjula's parents were first arranging their marriage, Apu was shown as the oldest of three on a chart.

When Springfield became over-patriotic and took the name "Liberty-Ville", Apu quickly caught on. He renamed his kids Lincoln, Freedom, Condoleezza, Coke, Pepsi, Manifest Destiny, Apple Pie, and Superman.

A few real-life retailers have attempted to capitalize on the Kwik-E-Mart name. For instance, there is a chain of "Kuik-E-Mart" stores in Minnesota.

The Kwik-E-Mart chain was started somewhere in the Himalaya, where the world's first convenience store still stands on a mountain peak (even if that's not very convenient). Visiting pilgrims are allowed to ask three questions of the resident guru (of course, Apu's visit was rather spoiled by Homer's three questions, "Are you really the founder of Kwik-E-Mart?", "Really?" and "You?").

Apu is known as a legend in the realm of Kwik-E-Mart employment for working for over ninety six hours in one shift. During the shift he experienced a hallucination in which he thought he was a hummingbird and tried to drink nectar out of Sanjay's head.

Apu was fired from his job after Homer was poisoned by tainted meat he bought at the Kwik-E-Mart. He was replaced by James Woods, who was studying to be a convenience store clerk for a role in an upcoming movie. Apu was re-hired a short time later after he foiled a robbery attempt at the Kwik-E-Mart and saved James Woods' life. Apu was shot during the attempted robbery.

Apu has been shot numerous times. He may have been shot eight times in 1993, (after which, he claimed he could survive any type of calibre shot up to nine mm wide) and as a result, he almost missed work. In fact, Apu has been shot so many times the punishment is now just a $100 fine.

It has been hinted that Apu is a nudist.

Apu is vegan, and the hot dogs sold in the Kwik-E-Mart are actually tofu dogs.
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Postby logan » Fri Oct 28, 2005 11:35 am

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Postby chris8 » Fri Oct 28, 2005 12:13 pm

Grampa ;-D
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Postby daullaz » Fri Oct 28, 2005 1:45 pm

I took Abraham in this one. Both are great characters, but Grampa is more significant to the show, and has more hilarious stories than Apu in the long run.
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Postby pokerplaya » Fri Oct 28, 2005 2:11 pm

Should be a great matchup. I went with Apu. ;-D
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Postby Coppermine » Fri Oct 28, 2005 2:15 pm

Apu for me...

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Postby Half Massed » Fri Oct 28, 2005 3:43 pm

I have to go with Grandpa on this one, although it's close.

"It all started back in nineteen-dickety-two. We had to say dickety because the kaiser stole our word for twenty. I chased him for dickety-six miles to get it back, but..."
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Postby curious_george_43545 » Fri Oct 28, 2005 4:24 pm

Go Braves!
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Postby mweir145 » Fri Oct 28, 2005 5:15 pm

Tough one, but I'll go with Apu. ;-D
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Postby Pablo975 » Fri Oct 28, 2005 6:15 pm

Abe wins this one on sheer insanity.
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