Barney: Hello, my name is Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr Gumble, this is a girl scouts meeting.
Barney: Is it, or is it you girls can't admit that you have a problem?
Barney: Hey, Homer, I'm worried about the beer supply. After this case, and the other case, there's only one case left.
Barney: 40 dollars!? This better be the best damn beer ever.. [drinks beer] You got lucky.
Duffman: Duffman wants to party down with the man who sent in 10,000 Duff labels to bring me here today. I've got a bottomless mug of new Duff Extra Cold for, Barney Gumble!
All: Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Barney: I can't, I'm the designated driver!
Duffman: Yeah that's swell, Duff wholeheartedly supports the designated driver program. Now! Who wants to Party!
Barney: Hey, can I throw up in your bathroom? I'll buy something.
Barney: Since they stopped testing on animals, a guy like me can really clean up!
Barney Ah! My heart just stopped! .... Ahh there it goes.
Barney: All I can remember about the last two months, is giving a guest lecture at Villanova. Or maybe it was a street corner.
Barney: David Crosby? You're my hero.
David Crosby: Oh, you like my music?
Barney: You're a musician?
Grampa: What the hell is that?
Frink: Why, it's a death ray my good man, behold.
(Frink fires death ray)
Grampa: Hey, feels warm, kinda nice.
Frink: Well it's just a prototype, with proper funding I'm confident this little baby could destroy an area the size of New York City.
Grampa: But I want to help people, not kill 'em.
Frink: Oh, well to be honest, the ray only has evil applications. You know my wife will be happy, she's hated this whole death ray thing from day one.
Frink: Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is... Love!? Who's been screwing with this thing?
Frink: After evaluating millions of pieces of data in the blink of an eye, the Gamble-Tron 2000 says the winner is... Cincinnati by 200 points!? Why, you worthless hunk of junk.
Frink: Well, as you can see, when the burglar trips the alarm, the house raises from it's foundations and runs downs the street, round the corner to safety...
(The house falls over and bursts into flames)
Frink: Well the... the real humans won't uh... won't burn quite so fast in there, mw-hai.
Frink: This forms a three-dimensional object known as a "cube", or a "Frinkahedron" in honor of its discoverer, ngu-hey, ng-hey.
Frink: Well, sure, the Frinkiac-7 looks impressive, don't touch it, but I predict that within 100 years, computers will be twice as powerful, 10,000 times larger, and so expensive that only the five richest kings of Europe will own them.
Apu: Could it be used for dating?
Frink: Well, theoretically, yes. But the computer matches would be so perfect as to eliminate the thrill of romantic conquest. Mw-hurgn-whey