If you think that Everett isn't going to grow tired of Showalter's micro-managing then you've got a surprise coming. Here's spitter.com's hot or not column to explain:
"Carl Everett, Rangers
Steady, level-headed Carl just got a fresh batch of lithium. You've got a few weeks left before it runs out and Everett starts screaming at invisible people and robbing liquor stores, so make them count.
Jose Cruz Jr., Giants
The Giants signed Cruz in hopes that his resemblance to serial killer Richard Ramirez would creep out Dodger fans. Half of Cruz's home runs this year will be added to Barry Bonds' stats as a token of gratitude. Barry was right -- Jeff Kent ain't sh*t without him.
Austin Kearns, Reds
Kearns' exceptional power comes from his five-pound ears, which allow him to generate incredible amounts of torque. The Reds' new wind-tunnel stadium will help his numbers, and the extra rest he gets during the team's frequent pitching changes will keep him fresh.
Royce Clayton, Brewers
It only took fifteen years for Royce Clayton's bat to mature. A testament to the power of "greenies", Clayton can look forward to his first 40/40 season -- 40 walks, 40 runs.
Chone Figgins, Angels
Is it Chone like "phone" or Chone like "Joanie"? I don't care if this guy runs like a penguin and plays with a mitt made of cardboard; he's got the best name since Shooty Babbit. If you're going to keep one marginally-talented utility infielder on your roster, at least get the one with the cool name.
Mike Piazza, Mets
This ballerina must have broken a nail in spring training when he attacked Dodger's reliever Guillermo Mota, who's built like my 5 year-old niece. Now Piazza's barely hitting his weight and has an equal number of homers and nipple rings (2). I guess the Mets are keeping him around for his defense.
Fred McGriff, Dodgers
Who woulda thunk that a 40 year-old first baseman moving into a pitcher's park wouldn't be able to produce? He's making the Dodgers miss the devastating bat of Eric Karros. At least McGriff can use his AARP card to get discounted groceries.
Chipper Jones, Braves
Jones claims he is having trouble seeing the ball; team doctors are recommending lip-reduction surgery. Anyone stupid enough to allow himself to be called "Chipper" in public deserves an eyeful of powdered glass and some larynx-crushing Sleeping Tiger technique.
Greg Maddux, Braves
Another f*cking Brave. Maddux's chronic rectal bleeding should have improved once life-partner Tom Glavine left the team. Considering the fact that the Braves got superstar Johnny Estrada for the likes of dead-arm Kevin
Millwood, expect Maddux to be dealt for all-world talent like Geronimo Gil or Yorvit Torrealba.
These guys' heads are so far up their asses, their ballcaps have uvula marks. If you have any Tigers on your team, you should stop playing fantasy baseball and join a fantasy Tetris league.