Here's some more from his CD:
Somebody asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said no. But I want a regular banana later... so yeah.
I hate flossing, I wish I had one long curvy tooth.
I opened a yogourt and the lid said 'please try again'. A little inspiration from the good people at Yoplait - "Fuit on the bottom - inspiration on top"
I like tennis because no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
If you're flammable and have legs, you're never blocking a fire exit.
- Mitch Hedberg
"Jack, will you call me, if you're able?"
"I've got your phone number written, in the back of my Bible."