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Extra! Extra! These Are Pretty Punny!!!

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Extra! Extra! These Are Pretty Punny!!!

Postby StlSluggers » Fri Jan 07, 2005 5:17 pm

I got these at work today. If you're in the mood for puns (and you know you have to be), these are pretty funny:

  1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
  2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says: "Dam!".
  3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
  4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
  5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
  6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

    "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
  7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.

    Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
  8. Friars behind on their belfry payments opened a small florist shop to raise funds.

    Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. So, the rival
    florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, a thug in town to "persuade" them to close.

    Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
  9. This one's my favorite: Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
    This made him ...(Oh,man, this is so bad, it's good).....A super-calloused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.
  10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!
Last edited by StlSluggers on Fri Jan 07, 2005 6:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Madison » Fri Jan 07, 2005 5:21 pm

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."


:-D

All of them are good, but that one and the Gandhi one were the best. ;-D
Yes doctor, I am sick.
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Yes doctor, there will be blood.....
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Postby Pacman » Fri Jan 07, 2005 5:23 pm

And I now can say that is the best thing I've EVER read in the Cafe. :-D


Out-Damn_standing, StlSluggers. And GO CARDS!
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Postby acsguitar » Fri Jan 07, 2005 5:49 pm

Pacman wrote:And I now can say that is the best thing I've EVER read in the Cafe. :-D


Out-Damn_standing, StlSluggers. And GO CARDS!


I liked the super cali fragi one...dumb but funny
I'm too lazy to make a sig at the moment
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Postby Rico The Retard » Fri Jan 07, 2005 6:17 pm

lol, that gandhi one was pretty funny ;-D
fgfdsgdsfdasfd

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Mark my words: Oliver Perez will be 2005 NL Cy Young Winner
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Postby StlSluggers » Fri Jan 07, 2005 6:19 pm

Pacman,

I was actually starting to believe that you liked the post until this part:

Pacman wrote:GO CARDS!

:-b
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Re: Extra! Extra! These Are Pretty Punny!!!

Postby LBJackal » Fri Jan 07, 2005 6:52 pm

StlSluggers wrote:
  1. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

    "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."


This ones funny but I geuss you have to pronounce foyer incorrectly for it to work. In Canada we say it "Foy-ey" since it's a french word. Enjoy your fish "fill-its" :-b

I like the Gandhi one too. Somepeople have too much time on their hands to come up with these. Actually probably the same amount of time I do, but they just spend more of it thinking :-D
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Postby StlSluggers » Fri Jan 07, 2005 6:59 pm

My co-worker insisted that I post this one since I posted the others:

"A man commissioned a scientist to clone him. The clone was defective, though, and wouldn't stop swearing. One day, as the two of them were standing atop a tall building, the man finally grew tired of the clone's dirty mouth. He reached over and pushed the clone off of the building.

The man was eventually arrested and charged with making an obscene clone fall."

:-P :-)
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Postby Madison » Fri Jan 07, 2005 7:36 pm

StlSluggers wrote:My co-worker insisted that I post this one since I posted the others:

"A man commissioned a scientist to clone him. The clone was defective, though, and wouldn't stop swearing. One day, as the two of them were standing atop a tall building, the man finally grew tired of the clone's dirty mouth. He reached over and pushed the clone off of the building.

The man was eventually arrested and charged with making an obscene clone fall."

:-P :-)


Heh, heh, heh...................

:-b
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Sick of those who are hypocrites.
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Yes doctor, there will be a war.
Yes doctor, there will be blood.....
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Postby Pacman » Fri Jan 07, 2005 7:50 pm

StlSluggers wrote:Pacman,

I was actually starting to believe that you liked the post until this part:

Pacman wrote:GO CARDS!

:-b


I did like the post -- and I DO really like the Cardinals. Seriously, they're my favorite NL team. (I do like the Mets too). It's nothing like my passion for the Sox, but seriously, the Cards are a total class orginazation, have an unbelievable lineup, and (with Mulder) may finally have the ace they needed.

They also have awesome fans, which I've stated before. ;-D



And those puns just rocked!
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