Jim Caple wrote:Vazquez served up the grand slam to Johnny Damon in Game 7 of the ALCS, knocking George Steinbrenner off his sedan chair. Steinbrenner's fall crushed three Yankees interns who were peeling his grapes in between sending out e-mails announcing an increase in co-pays on the team's medical plan. When Selig presented the Red Sox with the American League pennant, Steinbrenner's howls of "Give us back our precious!" reached ultra-high frequency wavelengths that sent dogs scurrying from Yankee Stadium and was heard by player agents as far away as Los Angeles.
Frightened by the packs of wild dogs in the streets, a vendor selling "Who's Your Daddy?" T-shirts for half-price leaped onto a fire escape, which sent Mike Tyson's old pigeons flying above the tenement buildings. One pigeon was killed when it flew into the path of a Randy Johnson fastball, prompting Bronx police officers to arrest the left-handed pitcher on charges of animal cruelty.
Bronx police forced Johnson to use his one phone call to contact Yankees general manager Brian Cashman and demand a trade to New York. Cashman and Arizona general manager Joe Garagiola Jr. quickly agreed on a deal that would send Johnson to New York, Vazquez to Los Angeles, Shawn Green to Arizona and Giambi to Bangkok. They then submitted the trade proposal to Selig.
Selig approved the trade, provided the Washington, D.C. council also agreed to build a new stadium, airport, subway line and tax shelter for the Washington Nationals' private use. The council agreed, reluctantly adding a clause saying the city would also pay Selig's income taxes for the remainder of his life.
At that point, Dodgers general manager Paul DePodesta first learned of the deal's details on "SportsCenter" and phoned Peter Gammons to veto the trade.
If that sounds complicated ... well, you don't want to know what Scott Boras is requiring teams to do to sign Beltran.