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Chicken Soup for the Beer Drinker

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Chicken Soup for the Beer Drinker

Postby JRM4833 » Tue Nov 09, 2004 3:02 pm

Sorry, just emptying out my inbox today. :-b But this one is great if you haven't seen it.

CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE BEER DRINKER

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." Jack Handy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
Frank Sinatra
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk in order to spend time with his friends." Ernest Hemingway
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
Henny Youngman ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
Stephen Wright
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin,
we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
Brian O'Rourke
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
Benjamin Franklin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but
the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." Dave Barry
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!
"Genesis"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And, saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo
Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went: "Well ya see, Norm,
it's like this...A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest
buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest
ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good
for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of
the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the
weakest members.

"In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast
as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know,
kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest
brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates
the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient
machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
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Postby LBJackal » Tue Nov 09, 2004 3:21 pm

No Churchill quotes? Here are some:

Lady Astor: Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

Churchill: Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.



Lady Astor: Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!

Churchill: Yes, and you, Madam, are ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober.

:-D
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Postby JRM4833 » Tue Nov 09, 2004 3:23 pm

:-b :-b :-b

Those are great. I've always liked Churchill.
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Postby kentx12 » Tue Nov 09, 2004 5:54 pm

Cute.. ;-D
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Postby Madison » Tue Nov 09, 2004 6:30 pm

Lol. :-D Very nice! ;-D
Yes doctor, I am sick.
Sick of those who are spineless.
Sick of those who feel self-entitled.
Sick of those who are hypocrites.
Yes doctor, an army is forming.
Yes doctor, there will be a war.
Yes doctor, there will be blood.....
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Postby acsguitar » Wed Nov 10, 2004 12:57 am

LBJackal wrote:No Churchill quotes? Here are some:

Lady Astor: Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

Churchill: Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.



Lady Astor: Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!

Churchill: Yes, and you, Madam, are ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober.

:-D


My history teacher told me those in college...Hilarious!!!

Anyways I brew my own beer...hey JRM if you ever make it up to Burlington Vermont try the Vermont Pub and Brewery! Awesome quotes on their menu and great Micro brew!!

As for me I live in Denver the drunkiest city in america where the beer flows like wine!

Hey JRM if you ever want to visit denver I have a place for you in my republican guest room...be carefull though those bums can get testy in the snowy mornings haha
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Postby JRM4833 » Wed Nov 10, 2004 7:47 am

acsguitar wrote:My history teacher told me those in college...Hilarious!!!

Anyways I brew my own beer...hey JRM if you ever make it up to Burlington Vermont try the Vermont Pub and Brewery! Awesome quotes on their menu and great Micro brew!!

As for me I live in Denver the drunkiest city in america where the beer flows like wine!

Hey JRM if you ever want to visit denver I have a place for you in my republican guest room...be carefull though those bums can get testy in the snowy mornings haha


Brew your own beer? Now that sounds scary but it explains a lot. :-b

Just kidding. Maybe I'll check out that Vermont brewery sometime. ;-D
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