One man explaining to another why he fired his secretary:
"Two weeks ago," I said, "was my forty-fifth birthday and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went into the kitchen for breakfast knowing that my wife would be pleasant and say 'Happy Birthday' and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say 'Good Morning' let alone say 'Happy Birthday'.
"I said to myself Well that's wives for you. The children will remember.' But the children came into breakfast and didn't say a word. And when I started to the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent.
As I walked into my office, Janet said 'Good Morning, Boss-Happy Birthday' and I felt a little bit better that someone had remembered. I worked until noon. About noon, Janet knocked on my door and said, You know it's such a beautiful day outside and it is your birthday, so let's go to lunch, just you and I.' I said, 'By George, that is the greatest thing I have heard all day. Let's go.'
"We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go, we went out into the country to a private place. We had two Martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.
"On the way back to the office, she said, 'You know, it's such a beautiful day we don't need to go back to the office, do we?' I said, 'No, I guess not.'
"She said, 'Let's go by my apartment, and I'll fix you another Martini.'
"We went to her apartment. We enjoyed another Martini and smoked a cigarette and she said, 'Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable' and I allowed her as I didn't mind at all.
"She went into the bedroom and in about six minutes she came out of the bedroom carrying a big birthday cake followed by my wife and children. All were singing 'Happy Birthday' and there I sat with nothing on but my socks."
[size=10]Manny Ramirez....$20 million
Pedro Martinez....$17.5 million
Curt Schilling...$12 million (and a $2 million bonus)
Never hearing a Yankee fan chant 1918 again...priceless. [/size]