If you live in St. Louis, you'll understand this.
If you've ever visited St. Louis you'll understand
this. If you've never been to St. Louis, consider this
your Visitor's guide To Driving in St. Louis.
1. There are 75 "official neighborhoods" in the
City of St. Louis. St. Louisans commonly give
directions (especially for restaurants) to strangers
based on these neighborhoods which aren't marked on
any maps that are handed out by the tourist board, the
AAA or Mapquest.
2. There are 54 school districts -- on the
Missouri side alone -- each of which has their own
school bus system and scheduled times to block
traffic.
3. There are 91 official municipalities in St.
Louis County. Each Municipality has its own rules,
regulations, and often their own police departments.
4. More importantly, most have their own snow
removal contracts so it's not uncommon to drive down a
road in winter and have one block plowed, the next
salted, the next piled with snow and the last
partially cleared by residents wanting to get out of
their driveways.
5. Snow plowing is never a problem in the City of
St. Louis. They plow nothing, and if the forecast
calls for snow, they close everything. Except on "The
Hill" (refer to #1 above) where each homeowner goes
out to the street and shovels out one car-sized
rectangle and then stands watch over it.
6. Any car parked longer than 4 hours in the city
is considered a parts store.
7. The City of Ballwin actually proposed that
drivers use connecting strip mall parking lots to get
from place to place rather than drive on Manchester
Road to cut the traffic on Manchester.
8. Laclede Station Road mysteriously changes names
as you cross intersections. As do McCausland,
Lindbergh, Watson, Reavis Barracks, Fee Fee, McKnight,
Airport Road, Midland, Olive and Clarkson. Gravois
Road can only be pronounced by a native. Ditto for
Spoede and Chouteau.
9. A St. Louisan from South County has never been
to North County and visa versa. West County has
everything delivered.
10. No native St. Louisan knows that Lindbergh
runs from South County to North County! And, if you
tell them, they will not believe you.
11. Lindbergh belongs to every neighborhood except
Kirkwood, who had the nerve to creatively change the
name to "Kirkwood Road".
12. There are 2 interchanges to exit from Highway
40 onto Clayton Road and 2 for Big Bend. Stay alert,
people!
13. If you need directions to O'Fallon, make sure
to specify Illinois or Missouri. This is also true for
Troy, Maryville, St. Charles, Springfield,
Columbia....
14. The Page Avenue extension and Airport
expansion projects took over 20 years to get approved
and St. Louisans lost track of how many political
figures claimed them as their own ideas.
15. St. Louisans were aghast when the federal
government required them to redo the highway signs to
indicate that the federal highways went to cities in
other states instead of local municipalities.
16. Drivers are starting to cut their OWN plates
rather than go through the Missouri Department of
Motor Vehicles to get new tags. You can also purchase
tags from dealers behind QuiK Shops in the city. They
are cheaper, the clerks are nicer, and the service is
faster.
17. Lambert Field and St. Louis International
Airport really are the same place. The East Terminal,
however, is a different place.
18. Highway 270 is our daily version of the NASCAR
circuit. (Same goes for Highway 70.) You can go all
four directions on Highway 270: North and South in
West County, East and West in South County, and East
and West in North County. Confused? So are the St.
Louis drivers.
19. The outer belt is Highway 270 which turns into
Highway 255 in South County. The inner belt is Highway
170. Highway 370 is an outer-outer belt. Highway 40 is
the same as Interstate 64 (but only through the middle
part of St. Louis).
20. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00
AM. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00 PM.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. Never ever
try to cross a bridge in St. Louis during rush hour
unless you have a sack lunch and a port-a-potty in the
car.
21. YIELD signs are for decoration only. No native
St. Louisan will ever grasp the concept.
22. If someone actually has their turn signal on,
it is probably a factory defect, or has been on for
the last 17 miles.
23. Construction on Highways 40, 64, 70, 255, 270,
44, 55 and 170 is a way of life, and a permanent form
of entertainment.
24. All old ladies with blue hair in Cadillac's
(driving on Olive west of 270) have the right of way.
There is something about Missouri's city planners that has always driven me insane. I have never seen two cities (KC and STL) that have so many highways that go absolutely nowhere except to get you onto other highways. The 270 loop in STL and the 435 loop in KC are exercises in insanity.
12. There are 2 interchanges to exit from Highway 40 onto Clayton Road and 2 for Big Bend. Stay alert, people!
There are also two seperate exits for Chesterfield Pkwy, about 2 miles away from one another. The tricky part is that if you are heading west on 40, you can only get off on the first exit and if you are heading east you can only use the second exit.
The more complex issue is if you are on Chesterfield Pkwy, as at one exit you can only head west on 40 and at the other, you can only go east. Go figure.
By the way, always avoid the intersection at 270 and Olive.
21. YIELD signs are for decoration only. No native St. Louisan will ever grasp the concept.
I have news for you.........I don't believe 1/100th of the driving population in America knows what they are supposed to do when they see a yield sign.
Yes doctor, I am sick. Sick of those who are spineless. Sick of those who feel self-entitled. Sick of those who are hypocrites. Yes doctor, an army is forming. Yes doctor, there will be a war. Yes doctor, there will be blood.....
14. The Page Avenue extension and Airport expansion projects took over 20 years to get approved and St. Louisans lost track of how many political figures claimed them as their own ideas.
But this was my favorite ...
7. The City of Ballwin actually proposed that drivers use connecting strip mall parking lots to get from place to place rather than drive on Manchester Road to cut the traffic on Manchester.
14. The Page Avenue extension and Airport expansion projects took over 20 years to get approved and St. Louisans lost track of how many political figures claimed them as their own ideas.
I just bought a house at the eastern end of that Page expansion. They say that the extension is going to be extended again. I'm hoping so because the first extension jumped my property value 33%.
[quote="wrveres']But this was my favorite ...
7. The City of Ballwin actually proposed that drivers use connecting strip mall parking lots to get from place to place rather than drive on Manchester Road to cut the traffic on Manchester.
LMAO [/quote]
If you've ever driven on Manchester during rush hour, you would have been doing that long before the city council ever said a word on it. I think the stop-light-to-mileage ratio on that road is like 2:1. It's awful.
Cafe Home
Fantasy Football
Fantasy Basketball
Fantasy Hockey
by StlSluggers » Mon Nov 01, 2004 7:30 pm 
