Morneau

[Rico The Retard]

anyone know anything about his apparent hand injury after getting drilled with a pitch there yesterday??? i know that he is sitting today im just wonderin if its anything serious

[grammysboy]

I think the hand made it just fine, but Justin had several ailments over the winter that are affecting his participation in ST. He had an apendectomy in October, then the Chicken Pox, then developed pneumonia just before reporting to Florida for the Twins camp. He is scheduled to have a cyst removed Monday, but they're not concerned about him being ready for Opening day. One of the fun things about being in a league with colleagues from the office is the opportunity to spread nasty rumors. For instance, today I sent the following report to Morneau's owner in our 12 team league. He had been bragging all winter about how great the kid is going to be:

AP
Fort Meyers, FL
March 11

The Minnisota Twins announced today that first baseman Justin Morneau is scheduled to have his left testicle removed in a surgical procedure next Monday following the operation to remove a cyst that has developed near scar tissue that resulted from his apendectomy last October.
The surgery was deemed necessary by team physician, Dr. Theodore E. Behre, following an examination at the team's spring training site in Fort Meyers. "We've determined Justin was wearing a protective cup that was much to small for him and it was retricting the flow of blood to the organ," stated Dr. Bhere. "The only acceptible course of action at this point is to remove the testicle before the infection spreads to other parts of his body." Behre went on to say, "This operation should have no affect on Justin's future ability to have children, because the remaining testicle should produce ample amounts of sperm cells to allow that to happen."
Equipment managers for the team have been instructed to measure all players for properly sized cups.

The best part was I got to be in his office when he received the email from me and his response was, "Who cares if he can have kids, can he still hit home runs?!!" I probably should have saved it for April fool's day, but it just worked out better today.

[Minor League Skilz]

that was pretty sick and sounds like something I would do. good job!