Ponderings - Fantasy Baseball Cafe 2014 Fantasy Baseball Cafe
100% Deposit Bonus for Cafe Members!

Return to General Talk

Ponderings

Moderator: Baseball Moderators

Ponderings

Postby stomperrob » Mon Aug 02, 2004 5:39 pm

1. Why don't they just make mouse flavored cat food?
2. Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injection?
3. Why does lemon juice contain artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
4. Do Lipton employees get coffee breaks?
5. How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
6. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
7. What hair color do they put on the drivers licences of bald men?
8. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
9. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
10. How come there aren't B batteries?
11. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
12. Could crop circles be the work of cereal killers?
13. How do they get the deer to cross at those yellow road signs?
14. How do you throw away a garbage can?
15. Why does Hawaii have interstate highways?
16. If Superman is so smart, then why does he wear his underwear on the outside of his trousers?
17. Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him

Just some things to think about. Anyone have any more???
Image
Still holds the MLB record for Grand Slams with 23
stomperrob
Major League Manager
Major League Manager

User avatar
Football ModPick 3 Weekly WinnerSweet 16 Survivor
Posts: 1209
Joined: 19 Mar 2004
Home Cafe: Football
Location: The House That Gehrig Built

Postby Rico The Retard » Mon Aug 02, 2004 6:32 pm

answer to number 7: they put N/A lol :-b
fgfdsgdsfdasfd

"Hey honey, ya think KFC's still open"-Will Ferrell

Mark my words: Oliver Perez will be 2005 NL Cy Young Winner
Rico The Retard
Hall of Fame Hero
Hall of Fame Hero

User avatar
Cafe Ranker
Posts: 5820
Joined: 16 Jul 2004
Home Cafe: Baseball
Location: The Magical Valley Of Love And Happiness

Postby Tavish » Mon Aug 02, 2004 7:10 pm

For as much love as Seinfeld gets for pondering, the king of all time is Steven Wright.

- After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
- How can there be self-help "groups"?
- When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?
- Why do they report power outages on TV?
- Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
- When you're sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
- What's another word for synonym?
- If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
- If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
- Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

And of course the eternal questions about mimes:

- If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
- If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
- Do bad mimes have narrators?

Carlin is pretty close to Wright and Seinfeld.
Image

Bury me a Royal.
Tavish
Mod in Retirement
Mod in Retirement

User avatar
CafeholicFantasy ExpertCafe WriterCafe RankerMock(ing) DrafterEagle EyeCafe SpotterWeb Supporter
Posts: 11070
(Past Year: 26)
Joined: 3 May 2004
Home Cafe: Baseball

Re: Ponderings

Postby shpuck » Mon Aug 02, 2004 10:08 pm

Thought I'd try to answer these. May be fun, may not be very fun.

stomperrob wrote:1. Why don't they just make mouse flavored cat food?
How does a mouse taste? Like chicken. If so, they already have that.

2. Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injection?
Wouldn't want to give the convict an infection...that's inhumane.

3. Why does lemon juice contain artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Isn't it something on the order of 10% lemon juice like Hawaiian Punch?

4. Do Lipton employees get coffee breaks?
If they want them.

5. How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
You don't. Why do you think they are usually solitary?

6. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Sure. He just won't have anything used against him in a court of law.

7. What hair color do they put on the drivers licences of bald men?
None.

8. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Un-sliced Bread

9. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
They could be passengers in the car.

10. How come there aren't B batteries?
People would think it means "Battery." They might get insulted.

11. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Ever felt lingerie in the dark? Ummmmm

12. Could crop circles be the work of cereal killers?
Only in wheat or oat fields.

13. How do they get the deer to cross at those yellow road signs?
Training training training and lots of carrots.

14. How do you throw away a garbage can?
With your hand.

15. Why does Hawaii have interstate highways?
Remember Pangea?

16. If Superman is so smart, then why does he wear his underwear on the outside of his trousers?
He's not necessarily smart, just the man of steel. If he was smart, he would realize that wearing glasses and slicking your hair isn't really enough to "throw anyone off your scent" to your undercover identity.

17. Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
People generally don't fire bullets at someone's head, but guns sweep out a larger volume and think of the mark it would leave on your face. It would ruin his disguise as Clark Kent.

Just some things to think about. Anyone have any more???


If that wasn't funny, I apoligize.
shpuck
Minor League Mentor
Minor League Mentor

User avatar
Pick 3 Weekly Winner
Posts: 469
Joined: 13 Apr 2003
Home Cafe: Baseball
Location: Goleta, CA

Postby Madison » Tue Aug 03, 2004 1:17 am

Lol. :-D
Yes doctor, I am sick.
Sick of those who are spineless.
Sick of those who feel self-entitled.
Sick of those who are hypocrites.
Yes doctor, an army is forming.
Yes doctor, there will be a war.
Yes doctor, there will be blood.....
Madison
Mod in Retirement
Mod in Retirement

User avatar
ExecutiveEditorCafeholicFantasy ExpertCafe WriterCafe RankerMock(ing) DrafterEagle EyeCafe SpotterInnovative MemberCafe MusketeerPick 3 ChampionMatchup Meltdown SurvivorLucky Ladders Weekly Winner
Posts: 53856
(Past Year: 1)
Joined: 29 Apr 2003
Home Cafe: Baseball
Location: Taking Souls...

Postby perlick29 » Tue Aug 03, 2004 1:20 am

Here's just one:

How does a blind man know when to stop wiping his ass?
Image
Forget the man crush. I drop what I'm doing to watch Zack Greinke pitch.
perlick29
General Manager
General Manager

User avatar
EditorCafeholicCafe WriterEagle EyeCafe MusketeerCafecasterPick 3 Weekly WinnerSweet 16 SurvivorLucky Ladders Weekly Winner
Posts: 4810
Joined: 10 Mar 2004
Home Cafe: Baseball
Location: praising the almighty Baseball Prospectus

Postby jumpman8288 » Tue Aug 03, 2004 1:21 am

Ewwww just thinking about it.
[URL=http://http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7158944067217702636&q=new+born+muse]MUSE ROCK[/URL]
jumpman8288
Major League Manager
Major League Manager

User avatar

Posts: 1607
Joined: 25 Feb 2004
Home Cafe: Baseball

Postby thetongueofire » Tue Aug 03, 2004 1:34 am

if you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

if people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"

if a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

is there another word for "synonym" ?
[size=10]Manny Ramirez....$20 million
Pedro Martinez....$17.5 million
Curt Schilling...$12 million (and a $2 million bonus)
Never hearing a Yankee fan chant 1918 again...priceless. [/size]
thetongueofire
General Manager
General Manager

User avatar

Posts: 3622
Joined: 8 Mar 2004
Home Cafe: Baseball

Postby baseballchick123 » Tue Aug 03, 2004 1:45 am

Why is the person who invests all our money called a broker?

Why do doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is there a label that says "WARNING: May Cause Drowsiness" on 'sleep-aid' bottles

Why is there a label that says "May Contain Nuts" on boxes of Planter's peanuts?

seen a bunch of these and more funny stuff on my friends website

read the student absent excuses...ROFLMFAO
"I am free of ALL prejudices, I hate everyone equally." -WC Fields
baseballchick123
Softball Supervisor
Softball Supervisor

User avatar

Posts: 64
Joined: 11 Mar 2004
Home Cafe: Baseball
Location: Defouling Ted Williams "Ice Box"

Postby Madison » Tue Aug 03, 2004 2:09 am

Why do you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway. :-?
Yes doctor, I am sick.
Sick of those who are spineless.
Sick of those who feel self-entitled.
Sick of those who are hypocrites.
Yes doctor, an army is forming.
Yes doctor, there will be a war.
Yes doctor, there will be blood.....
Madison
Mod in Retirement
Mod in Retirement

User avatar
ExecutiveEditorCafeholicFantasy ExpertCafe WriterCafe RankerMock(ing) DrafterEagle EyeCafe SpotterInnovative MemberCafe MusketeerPick 3 ChampionMatchup Meltdown SurvivorLucky Ladders Weekly Winner
Posts: 53856
(Past Year: 1)
Joined: 29 Apr 2003
Home Cafe: Baseball
Location: Taking Souls...

Next

Return to General Talk

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests

Forums Articles & Tips Sleepers Rankings Leagues


Today's Games
Sunday, Sep. 21
(All times are EST, weather icons show forecast for game time)

Toronto at NY Yankees
(1:05 pm)
Washington at Miami
(1:10 pm)
indoors
NY Mets at Atlanta
(1:35 pm)
Boston at Baltimore
(1:35 pm)
Milwaukee at Pittsburgh
(1:35 pm)
Chi White Sox at Tampa Bay
(1:40 pm)
indoors
Cleveland at Minnesota
(2:10 pm)
Detroit at Kansas City
(2:10 pm)
Seattle at Houston
(2:10 pm)
LA Dodgers at Chi Cubs
(2:20 pm)
Texas at LA Angels
(3:35 pm)
Philadelphia at Oakland
(4:05 pm)
Arizona at Colorado
(4:10 pm)
San Francisco at San Diego
(4:10 pm)
Cincinnati at St. Louis
(8:05 pm)

  • Fantasy Baseball
  • Article Submissions
  • Privacy Statement
  • Site Survey 
  • Contact