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Postby thetongueofire » Sat Jul 31, 2004 3:23 pm

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's
face was severely burned.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin
from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered
to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was
suitable would have to come from his ass. The husband and
wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin
came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their
secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the
woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had
before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about
her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome
with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to
thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could
ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the
thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the
cheek."

:-D
[size=10]Manny Ramirez....$20 million
Pedro Martinez....$17.5 million
Curt Schilling...$12 million (and a $2 million bonus)
Never hearing a Yankee fan chant 1918 again...priceless. [/size]
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Postby thetongueofire » Sat Jul 31, 2004 3:26 pm

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the
girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would
like to go out and have sex for the first time.

the kid is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so
he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The
pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the kid
everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The kid
insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather
busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, he shows up at the girl's parents house and
meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to
meet my parents, come on in!"

Then he goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
girl's parents are seated. He quickly offers to say grace
and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the kid is still deep in prayer, with his
head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from him.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend
leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you
were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was
a pharmacist."

ooops :-b
[size=10]Manny Ramirez....$20 million
Pedro Martinez....$17.5 million
Curt Schilling...$12 million (and a $2 million bonus)
Never hearing a Yankee fan chant 1918 again...priceless. [/size]
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Postby pomplona's finest » Sat Jul 31, 2004 3:48 pm

lmao!

:-D

good joks
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Postby thetongueofire » Sat Jul 31, 2004 4:18 pm

There is a young boy named Steve who is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.

Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. Upon arrival she says, "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word."

She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."

Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word, so Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents.

His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I'LL DO THE DISHES!'


ROFLMAO ;-D
[size=10]Manny Ramirez....$20 million
Pedro Martinez....$17.5 million
Curt Schilling...$12 million (and a $2 million bonus)
Never hearing a Yankee fan chant 1918 again...priceless. [/size]
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Postby pomplona's finest » Sat Jul 31, 2004 4:22 pm

:-b

The third one is the best. ;-D
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Postby Rico The Retard » Sat Jul 31, 2004 6:04 pm

hahahahahahahahahahaha o man those are hilarious the 3rd one is the best tho by far :-b ;-D :~( :-D
fgfdsgdsfdasfd

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Postby Madison » Sun Aug 01, 2004 2:04 am

:~( :~( :~( I'm laughing so hard I'm crying!!!!!!!!!! :~( :~( :~(

Great jokes Tongue! ;-D ;-D ;-D
Yes doctor, I am sick.
Sick of those who are spineless.
Sick of those who feel self-entitled.
Sick of those who are hypocrites.
Yes doctor, an army is forming.
Yes doctor, there will be a war.
Yes doctor, there will be blood.....
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Postby perlick29 » Sun Aug 01, 2004 10:59 am

I just told these three jokes to my parents.

They laughed. ;-D
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Postby irishdude103 » Sun Aug 01, 2004 2:24 pm

lol
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Postby kimchi_chigae » Sun Aug 01, 2004 5:06 pm

;-D ;-D ;-D


i like the two last ones. very good!



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