by Spiegs1106 » Wed Jul 07, 2004 10:30 pm
JOKES
Who are the yankees: The Yankees are the French of Major League Baseball. Arrogant, condesending, self-important. A former power who can not accept mediocrity
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of Yankees players on them ...people couldn't figure out which side to spit on - MY FAVORITE
Q: If you see a Yankees fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A: There's a good chance it's your bicycle.
Q: What do you have when 100 Yankees fans are buried up to their neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Yankees fan in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: A Yankee fan and a Jet fan jump off of a bridge. Who falls first?
A: Who cares!?
Q: How do you make a Yankee fan laugh on Monday?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday!
Q: How can you tell if a Yankee fan just sent you a fax?
A: There's a stamp on it!
Q: How can you tell when George Steinbrenner is lying?
A: His lips are moving!
Q: What do Chuck Knoblauch and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: They both wear a glove for no aparent reason!
Yankees slugger Darryl Strawberry fouled a pitch off his foot on Sunday and now has a crack in his big toe. This is the first time that the name Strawberry and the word crack were used in the same sentence without it ending with his suspension.
QUOTES
"I wish he were still playing. I'd probably crack his head open to show him how valuable I was." Roger on Hank Aaron, after baseball's home run king suggested that pitchers should not be eligible for the MVP award
"I thought it was the ball." Roger, who apparently wanted to throw the baseball at Mike Piazza, on throwing a splintered bat at the Mets catcher.
"I could never come back and pitch against the Red Sox, so it would have to be in the other league." Roger, as quoted by Will McDonough of the Boston Globe
"I think undercover [Red Sox fans] are going to be rooting for me, too." Roger, before being booed and taunted mercilessly by Red Sox nation at Fenway park during game 3 of the 1999 ALCS.
"I won't be active in the day-to-day operations of the ball club at all."
-George Steinbrenner
Yogi Berra Quotes
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical.
...Because it gets late early., (on why it's so tough to play left field in Yankee stadium.)
If the people don't want to come out to the park, nobody's gonna stop them.
It ain't over till it's over.
It's deja vu all over again.
No wonder nobody comes here; it's too crowded.
We have very deep depth!
We made too many wrong mistakes.
You can observe a lot by just watching.
Mrs. Lindsay - "You certainly look cool." - Yogi Berra - "Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself."
Ninety percent of the putts that fall short don't go in.
Anybody who can't tell the difference between the sound of a ball hitting wood and a ball hitting concrete must be blind. (Referring to an umpire who was deciding whether a ball was a home run or in play.)
Asked for the time, Yogi once said, "Do you mean now?
Little League Baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets.
I couldn't tell if the streaker was a man or a woman because it had a bag on it's head.
Yogi Berra on seeing a Steve McQueen movie: - "He must have made that before he died"
You got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.
You better cut the pizza in 4 pieces because im not hungry enough to eat 6.
Finally, Yogi disputed that he had uttered all the malapropisms that had been attributed to him. "I really didn't say everything I said," Yogi said.
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