I eventually settled on today's title after originally just wishing everybody a Happy Dickey Day, and then thinking better of it... anyway...
So apparently Brett Lawrie
tried some Cirque du Soleil s*** yesterday during the Yankee game and took a ridiculous tumble into the camera bay. You may call it dumb. I'm calling it a major move of badassery. I have him on both my teams this year and my phone is blowing up like the levies just broke and my friends are trying to get me to pick them up in my boat after Katrina hit; then I look at see he's gonna try and play Friday after tomorrow's off day, like a boss. All he's gotta do now is go back to smoking doubles and scoring Runs in the first inning of every game and I can go back to crushing on him like it's the 6th grade and he's the first girl who grew boobs. In no way, shape, or form are you as badass as Brett Lawrie. He's like Billy Gunn WWE Attitude Era Badass. Mr. Ass.
I'm likw 62% sure that's Lindsay Lohan, but I digress. All he's missing is the Superman cape. For real, how long until all is right in weir's world, and we're back to this action?
I think this might be my favorite non-boob related .gif of all-time. Of All-Time!
Okay, I'm just going to take a brief moment to diverge from the MLB, take my un-granted authority as the OP of this thread, and weigh in on this Jeremy Lin thing, and... no, no I'm not. I'm not gonna do it. I can't do it without profanity.
Over the last month, which pitcher has a 0.63 ERA, 0.94 WHIP, and 32 K in 28.2 innings? If you said Michael Fiers
, you win a prize! There's a thread that was just starting asking to weigh on on the young fella
, and despite my trying to hijack it and include Marco Estrada to steal Fiers' thunder, it's still a conversation the Cafe should absolutely be having...
If you want to read an excellent article on why you should get rid of John Lester at all costs
, because he sucks, you need to read that linked article. It's a Cafe original, and aside from supporting those who write for our very own Home, like I said it's very well written and makes a compelling argument. Give it a go.
Here's the part where I blatantly rip off R.J. from two days ago because he's much more creative than I am... Lightning Round... Ian Kennedy was excellent in Cinci against a Votto-less Reds team... Jason Bay hit a Home Run!.. Lance Berkman has 1-fewer Hit since coming off the DL than Cliff Lee has Wins on the season... Matt Kemp went Beast Mode in walk-off fashion... Josh Willingham jacked his 23rd tater -- still getting treated like Rodney Dangerfield... Cody Ross jacked it twice (TWSS)... So did Matt Downs (who?) and Jason Kubel (who was apparently hurt and not even supposed to start/play, whoops!)... Doug 'Next Time I See Your Sister I'mma' Fister struck out 10 and looked real impressive... Lorenzo Cain hit his 2nd HR in as many nights and has looked very impressive since coming off the DL... Okay, that's it.
And just to close things out, here's a fun little meme for those perennially calling for instant replay and cyborg umpires... Put it in your back pocket for the next major botched call you see... You're welcome.Today's Matchups:*
(Courtesy of ESPN
) <-- This is where I get them* I'm sorry I didn't rank them from Zero to 'That's So Raven'
CLE: Jimenez (8-8, 5.09 ERA)
TB: Price (12-4, 2.80 ERA)
SF: Bumgarner (11-5, 3.15 ERA)
ATL: Hudson (7-4, 3.80 ERA)
LAA: Williams (6-6, 4.67 ERA)
DET: Scherzer (8-5, 4.84 ERA)
ARI: Saunders (4-6, 3.52 ERA)
CIN: Leake (3-6, 3.96 ERA)
BAL: Chen (7-5, 3.80 ERA)
MIN: De Vries (2-2, 4.37 ERA)
NYM: Dickey (12-1, 2.66 ERA)
WSH: Gonzalez (12-4, 2.93 ERA)
SEA: Hernandez (7-5, 2.92 ERA)
KC: Hochevar (6-8, 5.16 ERA)
MIA: Buehrle (9-8, 3.13 ERA)
CHC: Maholm (7-6, 4.33 ERA)
CHW: Quintana (4-1, 2.60 ERA)
BOS: Buchholz (8-3, 5.54 ERA)
HOU: Harrell (7-6, 4.43 ERA)
SD: Volquez (5-7, 3.69 ERA)
NYY: Garcia (4-2, 5.25 ERA)
OAK: Griffin (1-0, 2.63 ERA)