In light of the ridiculous hype surrounding Mr. Heyward, it's time for a second edition of Tall Tales (first edition was Mr. Strasburg
Jason Heyward doesn't need Scott Boras. He's represented by His Bat (registered trademark of Heyward, Inc).
When Mother Heyward's water broke, the sound caused birds over 150 miles away to take flight.
When Heyward comes to bat, fans in the OF will be required to wear a helmet. Patrons behind home plate will be issued ear plugs.
NASA hired Heyward, because he's the only person capable of hitting a ball that can intercept Pujols' 2005 HR off Lidge. It's still reeking havoc in lower orbits.