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Tall Tales: Jason Heyward Edition

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Tall Tales: Jason Heyward Edition

Postby StlSluggers » Fri Feb 26, 2010 1:27 am

In light of the ridiculous hype surrounding Mr. Heyward, it's time for a second edition of Tall Tales (first edition was Mr. Strasburg).

Jason Heyward doesn't need Scott Boras. He's represented by His Bat (registered trademark of Heyward, Inc).
When Mother Heyward's water broke, the sound caused birds over 150 miles away to take flight.
When Heyward comes to bat, fans in the OF will be required to wear a helmet. Patrons behind home plate will be issued ear plugs.
NASA hired Heyward, because he's the only person capable of hitting a ball that can intercept Pujols' 2005 HR off Lidge. It's still reeking havoc in lower orbits.
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Re: Tall Tales: Jason Heyward Edition

Postby jazzmanljg » Fri Feb 26, 2010 1:47 am

I heard BALCO tried to hire Heyward because they're pretty sure his sweat has the same effect as HGH. It didn't work out though because they couldn't find a test tube strong enough to keep it in.
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Thanks to soty for the great sig!
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Re: Tall Tales: Jason Heyward Edition

Postby MTUCache » Fri Feb 26, 2010 10:26 am

Jason Heyward has fans that stand in line waiting for him to throw wieners into their eyes.
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Re: Tall Tales: Jason Heyward Edition

Postby Dan Lambskin » Fri Feb 26, 2010 11:05 am

Jason Heyward hit a home run off Stephen Strasburg...twice...on the same pitch
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Re: Tall Tales: Jason Heyward Edition

Postby JTWood » Fri Feb 26, 2010 11:10 am

MLB is negotiating the rights to an exhibition game where Strasburg pitches to Heyward with Weiters catching.
They're going to call it "Better than the World Series".
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Re: Tall Tales: Jason Heyward Edition

Postby silverZ » Fri Feb 26, 2010 11:18 am

Jason Heyward once hit 3 homeruns...in the same game.
Here's the pitch on the way, a swing and a belt! Left field! Way back! BLUE JAYS WIN!
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Re: Tall Tales: Jason Heyward Edition

Postby ensanimal » Fri Feb 26, 2010 11:22 am

Baseball Reference shows Strasburg once struck out Heyward on the same pitch that Heyward homered on.
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Re: Tall Tales: Jason Heyward Edition

Postby kaiser » Fri Feb 26, 2010 11:38 am

Jason Heyward gets his Godzilla-like power from a steady diet of small children and puppies. He eats fourteen meals a day. Local daycare centers and pet stores have had to increase security around meal times.
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Re: Tall Tales: Jason Heyward Edition

Postby AussieDodger » Fri Feb 26, 2010 12:07 pm

Jason Heyward and Axe Cop are the same guy http://www.fantasybaseballcafe.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=401546

Jason Heyward is also Amba Lamps and Pedo Bear.

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:-?
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Re: Tall Tales: Jason Heyward Edition

Postby MasterX1918 » Fri Feb 26, 2010 1:06 pm

Why does Jason Heyward have white arms in that picture?
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