Onion Alert! I know some of you are fuddy duds. Just close the page now if you hate The Onion.
theOnion.com wrote:Blue Jays GM Confirms There Never Really Was A 'Roy Halladay'
"We developed, by which I mean made up, a really good pitcher here, one of the best in baseball," said Ricciardi, who compared Halladay to a young and real Bob Gibson. "No one made an offer that came close to what Roy—who as far as they knew was a living, breathing baseball player—was worth. We went into negotiations looking for a made-up power bat, or at least two pretend arms that we could slide right into the rotation. I would have even accepted one existent major-league player."
Ricciardi continued: "The best the Phillies could come up with was Kyle Drabek and a prospect to be fabricated later. You're going to have to do better than that if you want Roy Halladay."
Halladay, who was fake-drafted by the Blue Jays in 1995, is credited with 142 career wins and 45 complete games, though Ricciardi confirmed that the fictional right-hander is just an amalgam of statistics compiled by Juan Guzman, Pat Hentgen, Woody Williams, Esteban Loaiza, Josh Towers, Gustavo Chacin, and other assorted Blue Jays pitchers through the years.
"We needed a new face for the franchise back in 2002, but our roster was pretty thin," Ricciardi said. "So we included a clause in our pitchers' contracts that said anytime they posted a decent start it'd be attributed to a 'Roy Halladay.' Then after the game, we'd say, 'There's a Halladay start,' or, 'Good old Roy, at it again.' At the end of the season, we said he'd won 19 games, and scouts were asking about him all over the place. It wasn't really too difficult adding him to the roster, since we haven't had any press covering the team in 15 years."
knapplc wrote:I appreciate satire as an art form. Good stuff.
I appreciate good satire, which separates me from you Onion fans.
Yeah. The problem with The Onion is they produce SO MUCH that it can't possibly all be worthy. Some of it is good; most of it is like this article - not really worth a chuckle, but entertaining enough to kill 30 seconds on. The bits and pieces of The Onion that I see using StumbleUpon or here at the Cafe is enough for me.