jazzmanljg wrote:My three year old started playing the selective hearing card a few months ago. When I would ask him to do something (or not do something) and he would act like I wasn't even there I would just calmly say "Okay, if you're not answering me I better take that toy your playing with because it seems to be distracting you (or turn off that cartoon, or whatever the kid has been doing)". He always responded with "No Dad!" and my comeback was always "Okay you pick, either (do this, stop this, etc.) or I (get your toy, turn off TV, not go to the park, etc.). So far he has always picked what I wanted him to do (with a little huffing and puffing), but I'm sure a 5 year old may give you a little more fight.
That's pretty much what we do with my 3 year old. Or I'll say something like "If you don't do this (i.e. pick up toys) you don't get to read a book before bed." There are two important things when disciplining a child a) you and your wife have to be on the same page and b) if he doesn't pick up his toys or whatever, follow through on your threat. Life will suck for a day but they'll know you mean business and it only takes once, maybe twice before they know you mean business.
Of course the 5 yo could be playing the selective hearing card because it generates more attention to him, whether it's good or bad, kids crave it.
I babysit my 2 year old niece very regularly (this whole upcoming weekend in fact...) and my parents have actually run a day care their whole lives.
With 5 year olds its a bit trickier (2 year olds are the easiest I think, opposite of the "terrible twos" cliche). They are quite a bit more clever and may have out grown the easy "time out" measure. The first thing I'd say, though, is to drop the "I can't / don't want to discipline him because I don't want to offend" idea because that's not going to work. A kid can't be placed in your care with the expectation that you're just going to let him/her do what he wants the whole time. That's not reasonable.
I'd just follow these guidelines.
Make it clear by your behavior that when he behaves, you're nice and fun. When he misbehaves, you're quite strict. Be strict, but don't yell. Body language and voice tone is plenty enough. Leave yourself room to go. Don't offer ultimatums because what if he calls you on it? Always leave another step ahead. When it's discipline time, don't talk to much. Don't explain or argue (if you want, you can do this AFTER a punishment is completed). Just be up front. "Billy, play with that toy nice or I will put it away for an hour." Any temper tantrums or meltdowns = immediate going to his room. Not acceptable behavior.
As with all parenting type stuff, it's always harder at first (the kid adjusts and tries to test you), but once he gets the hang of it it's easy. Just gotta set the boundaries.
If you don't want to discipline them, you can try using positive reenforcement. My wife and I just implemented a marble economy system to try to sway our 5 & 2 yr olds into being good. When their jar is filled up, we take them to a toy store and let them pick out a toy (within reason). Our 5 yr old responded really well to this, and now does simple chores around the house without being asked, just to get marbles.
Every time they do something good and nice (pick up after themselves, do what they are asked, etc.) we give them 1 or 2 marbles, depending on the task. We also give them marbles for everyday tasks like sleeping through the night, brushing their teeth, finishing their meals, & asking politely for things.
If they are misbehaving, we take marbles away. First, we explain to them that if they do not stop what they are doing, we will take a marble away. If they don't stop, we take them away and we show them that we are taking it away & why. If they are put in a timeout, it is an automatic marble deduction without a warning. We also transfer marbles from one child's jar to the other's if they did something bad to the other (hit them, took something away, etc.).
They tricky thing is getting them to understand at first. You might need to give them a taste of success before you implement it. Like get them a toy, and tell them there will be more coming if they fill up their marble jar. You also might want to start the marble jars off small so they see results faster (as we all know, kids don't have the greatest attention spans and might loose interest quickly).
Our 2 yr old doesn't fully understand what the marbles are for quite yet, he just wants marbles. Your don't seem to have any problems with the 2 yr old though.
YerInUrine wrote:If you don't want to discipline them, you can try using positive reenforcement. My wife and I just implemented a marble economy system to try to sway our 5 & 2 yr olds into being good. When their jar is filled up, we take them to a toy store and let them pick out a toy (within reason). Our 5 yr old responded really well to this, and now does simple chores around the house without being asked, just to get marbles.
Every time they do something good and nice (pick up after themselves, do what they are asked, etc.) we give them 1 or 2 marbles, depending on the task. We also give them marbles for everyday tasks like sleeping through the night, brushing their teeth, finishing their meals, & asking politely for things.
If they are misbehaving, we take marbles away. First, we explain to them that if they do not stop what they are doing, we will take a marble away. If they don't stop, we take them away and we show them that we are taking it away & why. If they are put in a timeout, it is an automatic marble deduction without a warning. We also transfer marbles from one child's jar to the other's if they did something bad to the other (hit them, took something away, etc.).
They tricky thing is getting them to understand at first. You might need to give them a taste of success before you implement it. Like get them a toy, and tell them there will be more coming if they fill up their marble jar. You also might want to start the marble jars off small so they see results faster (as we all know, kids don't have the greatest attention spans and might loose interest quickly).
Our 2 yr old doesn't fully understand what the marbles are for quite yet, he just wants marbles. Your don't seem to have any problems with the 2 yr old though.
Just a suggestion, I hope it helps.
Very interesting. I've got a 4 and a 6 yr old. I might try this. In fact my son really wanted marbles a while ago and I told him to wait because his sister was too young and I was afraid of her swallowing one. We might go out and buy some marbles this weekend.
Mookie4ever wrote:Very interesting. I've got a 4 and a 6 yr old. I might try this. In fact my son really wanted marbles a while ago and I told him to wait because his sister was too young and I was afraid of her swallowing one. We might go out and buy some marbles this weekend.
We don't let them play with the marbles for that reason. We just put the jars up high somewhere in plain sight, but we do let them put their own marbles in, then they go right back on the shelf.
Mookie4ever wrote:Very interesting. I've got a 4 and a 6 yr old. I might try this. In fact my son really wanted marbles a while ago and I told him to wait because his sister was too young and I was afraid of her swallowing one. We might go out and buy some marbles this weekend.
We don't let them play with the marbles for that reason. We just put the jars up high somewhere in plain sight, but we do let them put their own marbles in, then they go right back on the shelf.
Nice system. Question though. The goal needs to be achievable correct? If you keep taking away the marbles then wouldn't that discourage the kids? For instance, how many marbles = toy?
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." ~George Carlin
Mookie4ever wrote:Very interesting. I've got a 4 and a 6 yr old. I might try this. In fact my son really wanted marbles a while ago and I told him to wait because his sister was too young and I was afraid of her swallowing one. We might go out and buy some marbles this weekend.
We don't let them play with the marbles for that reason. We just put the jars up high somewhere in plain sight, but we do let them put their own marbles in, then they go right back on the shelf.
Nice system. Question though. The goal needs to be achievable correct? If you keep taking away the marbles then wouldn't that discourage the kids? For instance, how many marbles = toy?
Right, like how large is the jar? Pint size? Quart? It's got to be something reasonable so they can fill it up within a week to ten days or so, or the kids will begin to lose interest.
Right, like how large is the jar? Pint size? Quart? It's got to be something reasonable so they can fill it up within a week to ten days or so, or the kids will begin to lose interest.
You can feel it out and start off small. We have a fairly large jar, about the size of one of those nalgene bottles from EMS and our 5 yr old does well with it. We have been doing it for about a month now and hers is about 1/2 way full. I guess it depends on the kid.
We usually hand marbles out pretty liberally, but have definite rules. We give out 2 marbles for finishing meals, 2 for sleeping through the night. Basically the issues we want to address more, the more marbles we give out for. Unless the kid is the devil, he should get more marbles than he gets taken away.
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