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Age Difference in Dating

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Re: Age Difference in Dating

Postby Madison » Tue Jul 08, 2008 1:28 am

9 1/2 years between my parents. Then again, they did get divorced after 23 years of marriage, so maybe not the best example. :-b
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Re: Age Difference in Dating

Postby curious_george_43545 » Tue Jul 08, 2008 1:43 am

Depends, an 18 year old and 28 year old is pretty much never a good idea, but someone whos 40 and someone whos 50 I don't really consider that a big deal. It's more of a percentage thing than a solid age gap.
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Re: Age Difference in Dating

Postby Snakes Gould » Tue Jul 08, 2008 3:17 am

AussieDodger wrote:
Snakes Gould wrote:yeah but when you're 31 and conceivably could still pull some college or even fresh out of college meat, she's 40 and could be hitting menopause. :-P


I'd rather be with someone I actually like, then to be a roaming tomcat.
"Tomcatting" is fun and "glamarous", but it is only temporary.
You'll come to the same conclusion eventually. ;-D ;-D


im joking. my girlfriend is 11 months younger than me and we're doing perfectly fine after 5 1/2 years. ;-D
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Re: Age Difference in Dating

Postby Polar Bear » Tue Jul 08, 2008 10:10 am

I think 18 is a good bench mark. I know of plenty 18 year olds that are mature.

With that said, I have never dated anyone 10 years younger than I. The largest age gap I have ever had was a girl was was 5 years younger. She was 20 and I was 25. Usually I am around my age though.

I think a good hypothetical was raised. What if it was your daughter? Or even in my case, what if it was my sister who I am close to. I personally would have hated it if my sister had dated someone 10 years older then her straight out of high school, although I think she would rank as one of the mature girls that could handle it. But from my perspective I wouldn't want some 28 year old man making moves on my sister. I guess it would be the experience vs innocence factor.

But in retrospective I am much more responsible in a relationship now at 26 then I was at 18 or 19.

It really doesn't matter to me though. I know of a couple that when she hit 18 the guy went to the father and asked permission to date her. the dad gave him permission and forced him to wait until after high school. They are married with 2 kids now. She is 32 and he is 42. Age is really only relevant when you are in the 15-21 range. When I was in high school I would have not even considered dating someone 5 years younger then me, that would have been an 8th grader when I was a senior. Now at 26, it wouldn't bother me at all. The older you get the less likely age plays a factor in a decision.
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Re: Age Difference in Dating

Postby ukrneal » Wed Jul 09, 2008 8:47 am

Reminds me of Abbott and Costello (and this is from memory, so sorry if I miss something):

Abbott: Let's say your 40 and you're in love with a 10 year old girl you want to marry...

Costello: Oh boy, this is gonna be a douzy...

Abbott: SO you're 40 and she's 10. You're 4 times older than the girl, you can't marry her. So you wait 5 years. Now she's 15 and you're 45...

Costello: She's catching up...

Abbott: You're still 3 times older than this girl. You can't marry her, so you wait 15 years. Now she's 30 and you're 60. You're only 2 times as old as this girl. So here's the question: when will you both be the same age?

Costello: What kind of qustion is that?

ABbott: GO on - answer the question.

Costello: If I keep waiting for the girl, she'll pass me up.

Abbott: (In disgust) WHat are you talking about?

Costello: I was nice enough to wait for her....


Me: I don't think age difference is a big deal, but is most meaningful when younger (would we even be discussing this if an older relative of 75 married a younger man at 65? Don;t think so). This is not because of ethics (at 18, most people are responsible enough to understand the implications and take responsibility for their actions), but rather a difference in maturity (as many have already mentioned). A parent should be understandably concerned with a relationship of an 18 year-old daughter and 28 year-old man. However, this is not becaue of physical age, but rather experience, maturity, and the ability to understand certian situations.
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Re: Age Difference in Dating

Postby Omaha Red Sox » Wed Jul 09, 2008 12:29 pm

Polar Bear wrote:I think 18 is a good bench mark. I know of plenty 18 year olds that are mature.


No you don't.

Polar Bear wrote:But in retrospective I am much more responsible in a relationship now at 26 then I was at 18 or 19.


Ding ding ding! There you go. 25 or 26 is the line of maturity. At least mature enough to be responsible about a relationship. Your friend is right. A young girl might be fun because she'll make you feel good since you're the older, wiser one, but that'd be a pretty pathetic reason to be in a relationship. That's what I don't get about so many guys that date much younger women. Their self-worth has to be pretty damn rock bottom to insist on a younger person's acceptance.
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Re: Age Difference in Dating

Postby The Artful Dodger » Wed Jul 09, 2008 12:43 pm

Omaha Red Sox wrote:
Polar Bear wrote:But in retrospective I am much more responsible in a relationship now at 26 then I was at 18 or 19.


Ding ding ding! There you go. 25 or 26 is the line of maturity. At least mature enough to be responsible about a relationship. Your friend is right. A young girl might be fun because she'll make you feel good since you're the older, wiser one, but that'd be a pretty pathetic reason to be in a relationship. That's what I don't get about so many guys that date much younger women. Their self-worth has to be pretty damn rock bottom to insist on a younger person's acceptance.


Well, I think it has more to do with the fascination that guys in general have with college-age girls being more comfortable and open about their sexuality especially in this day and age, let alone that they may be more attractive physically than a lady in her mid-to-late 20's. I get the impression that some of my friends, just 3-4 years removed from graduating from college, get a bit nostalgic about college because it was easier to find a date than it is in the real world that moves at a faster pace and a lot of factors are in play. Being the wiser/older one in the relationship could be motivation for dating a younger college age girl but I think there's more to it than that.
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Re: Age Difference in Dating

Postby Polar Bear » Wed Jul 09, 2008 1:00 pm

Omaha Red Sox wrote:
Polar Bear wrote:I think 18 is a good bench mark. I know of plenty 18 year olds that are mature.


No you don't.

Polar Bear wrote:But in retrospective I am much more responsible in a relationship now at 26 then I was at 18 or 19.


Ding ding ding! There you go. 25 or 26 is the line of maturity. At least mature enough to be responsible about a relationship. Your friend is right. A young girl might be fun because she'll make you feel good since you're the older, wiser one, but that'd be a pretty pathetic reason to be in a relationship. That's what I don't get about so many guys that date much younger women. Their self-worth has to be pretty damn rock bottom to insist on a younger person's acceptance.


1st one: Yes I do...and my dad can beat up your dad.


2nd response: That's a little too judgmental for me.

I know a girl that I watched grow up (know her dad very well) and she is engaged to a guy she went to high school with. She is only 18 and about ready to turn 19. She has always been much more mature then her age. I would have put her maturity level at 20 when she was 15. People are just different. I would say that the majority are not emotionally ready for a serious relationship,like you said, but there are some that can handle it. I am pretty sure my sister could have handled it. I'd just be careful with a sweeping generalization because there is always a few exceptions. I know that I could give at least 5 different examples in my life.

Also when I said "In retrospective I am much more responsible now..." I was talking in terms of how I treated women. When I was in college I would go to a party with the goal of getting some action. Now, while getting some action is always a plus, I don't "play the field" anymore. The frat days are over and I have a career and fantasy team to worry about. :-)

@ Artful Dodger

I would agree with that. My dating life is definitely not as active as it was in college.
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Re: Age Difference in Dating

Postby The Artful Dodger » Wed Jul 09, 2008 1:56 pm

I think what Omaha is saying - and I'll agree - is that you'll find 18 year olds who are relatively mature for their age, but a lot of them aren't, which is to be expected. Even 18 year olds who are mature for their age aren't absolutely mature, which really isn't their fault because it's natural to develop/mature gradually anyway. The reason I say that is because 18 year olds have yet to experience those truly formative life events/experiences that develop a greater sense of maturity. 18-25 is a transition life stage where maturity is greatly tested and the transition may be smooth for some, but I can assure you the transition is harder for most others, which again I believe is natural.

That brings me to the subject of marrying early, which you touched upon, Polar Bear. Now I've known many of my old high school friends/classmates that married around the age of 19-20 and the interesting part was they married their high school sweethearts. It's so easy to fall in love, to be in love, and to know what kind of ramifications/obstacles that can come your way as a person, as a married couple, and as a family. Problem is, it's really a leap of faith. One minute you could be heads over heels in love with "the one" and 5 years later, become disenchanted because you feel like you've been held back from what you really want to do in life. When you're 18/19/20, you tend to have an idea of what you want to do in life, but odds are you won't find out until you're 25 or later as to find out what your true calling is. Why's that? Because with greater experience, you've gotten a better idea of what you want to do. The worst part is not having or affording the flexibility to then pursue that goal, whatever it is. Being married and let alone having a family can hold you back, especially when you run into problems. Granted, there's no manual on how to be in relationships, to be in love, or on life in general, which I think is the most exciting reason why we live life anyway, but generally it's easy to be fully prepared for a relationship, it's a lot harder once you're in it. Once you've made your decision, there's no way out, and if there's a way out, it could be emotionally damaging.
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Re: Age Difference in Dating

Postby bigh0rt » Wed Jul 09, 2008 2:27 pm

Omaha Red Sox wrote:
Polar Bear wrote:I think 18 is a good bench mark. I know of plenty 18 year olds that are mature.


No you don't.

No, maybe you don't. But I certainly do, and I have no problem believing that PB does as well. I had several of them in my classes this past year, and in previous years. This all or nothing mentality that people seem to have is so disheartening -- sure there are plenty who meet the stereotypes, but to think that some people don't open their eyes and see what's right in front of them is a little troubling.
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