nakedmookieparts.gov wrote:Canadian Mookie Asks Nation For Wal-MartMarch 19, 2008 | Issue 44•12
CHICAGO—According to witnesses, a loud Canadian Mookie approached a crowd of some 4,000 strangers in downtown Chicago Tuesday and made repeated demands for Wal-Mart.
"The time for Wal-Mart is now," said the Canadian Mookie, yelling at everyone within earshot for 20 straight minutes, practically begging America for Wal-Mart. "The need for Wal-Mart is stronger and more urgent than ever before. And only you—the people standing here today, and indeed all the people of this great nation—only you can deliver this Wal-Mart."
The Canadian Mookie is oddly comfortable demanding Wal-Mart from people he's never even met.
It is estimated that, to date, the Canadian Mookie has asked every single person in the United States for Wal-Mart.
"I've already seen this guy four times today," Chicago-area ad salesman Blake Gordon said. "Every time, it's the same exact spiel. 'I need Wal-Mart.' 'I want Wal-Mart.' Why's he so eager for all this Wal-Mart? What's he going to do with it, anyway?"
After his initial requests for Wal-Mart, the Canadian Mookie rambled nonstop on a variety of unrelated topics, calling for affordable health care, demanding that the government immediately begin withdrawing troops from Iraq, and proposing a $75 billion economic stimulus plan to create new jobs.
"What a wacko," Schaumburg, IL resident Patrick Morledge said. "And, of course, after telling us all about how he had the ability to magically fix everything, he went right back to asking for Wal-Mart. Typical."
"If he's really looking for Wal-Mart, he's got the wrong guy," Morledge added.
Reports indicate that the Canadian Mookie has been riding from city to city across the country, asking for Wal-Mart wherever he goes. Citizens in Austin, TX said they spotted the same guy standing on the street Friday, shouting far-fetched ideas about global warming. Cleveland residents also reported seeing him in a local park, wildly gesticulating and quoting from the Bible. And last week, patrons at the Starlight Diner in Cheyenne, WY claimed that the Canadian Mookie accosted them while they were eating, repeatedly requesting Wal-Mart.
"I saw him walk in and I knew he was headed straight for our table," said mother of three Gladys Davies. "He just stood there smiling at us for a while, and asked how our food tasted. Then he went and did the same thing at the next table over. The nerve of some people."
Those who encountered the Canadian Mookie Tuesday said he engaged in erratic behavior, including pointing at random people in the crowd and desperately saying he needs their help, going up to complete strangers and hugging them, and angrily claiming that he is not looking for just a little bit of Wal-Mart, but rather a great deal of Wal-Mart, and that he wants it "right now."
"I'll be honest, when that Canadian Mookie said he would 'stop at nothing' to get Wal-Mart, it kind of scared me," local mechanic Phil Nighbert said. "Just leave me alone."
Though many were taken aback by the Canadian Mookie's brazen demands, some, such as Jackson, MS's Holly Moser, sympathized with him. She gave the Canadian Mookie credit for boldly standing up and asking every last person around him for Wal-Mart.
"I told him I'd give him some if I saw him later, even though I probably won't," Moser said. "Very nice man, though."
Most, however, ignored his requests.
"I'm a hardworking American who pays his taxes, and the last thing I need is some guy on the street demanding Wal-Mart from me," said William Overkamp, a Springfield, IL gun-shop owner.
He added, "What he really needs is a better country of origin."