A 30-year mortgage at Michael’s age essentially means that he’s buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn’t hear the other dead people.
I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War Two veteran killed twenty men and spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.
BLOOD ALONE MOVES THE WHEELS OF HISTORY! [pause] Have you ever asked yourselves in an hour of meditation - which everyone finds during the day - how long we have been striving for greatness? [bangs fist] Not only the years we've been at war – the war of work – but from the moment as a child, when we realize the world could be conquered. It has been a lifetime struggle [bangs fists again] a never-ending fight, I say to you [bangs again] and you will understand that it is a privilege to fight. WE ARE WARRIORS! [applause] Salesmen of north-eastern Pennsylvania, I ask you once more rise and be worthy of this historical hour. [even bigger applause as Dwight gives a horrible sounding laugh] No revolution is worth anything unless it can defend itself. Some people will tell you salesman is a bad word. They’ll conjure up images of used car dealers, and door to door charlatans. This is our duty to change their perception. I say, salesman – and women – of the world... unite! We must never acquiesce, for it is together... TOGETHER THAT WE PREVAIL. WE MUST NEVER CEDE CONTROL OF THE MOTHERLAND...
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." ~George Carlin
Dwight: I think all the other office gays should identify themselves, or I will do it for them.
Oscar: No one else in this office is gay.
Dwight: What about Phyllis? She makes absolutely no attempt to be feminine
jim: dwight 3 books you'd bring on a desert island?
dwight: question: is there firewood on the island?
jim: uh yeah i guess.
dwight: alright, in that case i'd bring an axe no books.
jim: no dwight it has to be a book.
dwight: fine, physicians desk referance.
dwight: hollowed out, inside beat seeds, iodine tablets, waterproof matches, Nasa blanket. and, just incase i get bored, harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban, no, harry potter and the sorcerers stone, question: did my shoes come off in the plane crash?
You have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who walks into the middle of a movie...