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Widows dating again...thoughts?

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Re: Widows dating again...thoughts?

Postby Art Vandelay » Thu Dec 06, 2007 9:27 am

Both of my parents are still alive and married, so I have never gone through what you're going through, but I'd like to think that if something did happen to one or the other of them they would eventually be able to move on, and I'd support them in that. It seems a little selfish to me to expect your mom to act in a certain way (or maybe not expect, but hope) because it would make you uncomfortable (or whatever it is making you). Assuming your mom is still relatively young, what else would you want? Would you prefer she be alone for the rest of her life instead of trying to find happiness with someone else?

I'm not saying you're wrong for feeling the way you do, just that I don't think I would feel the same.
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Re: Widows dating again...thoughts?

Postby Dan Lambskin » Thu Dec 06, 2007 10:36 am

Art Vandelay wrote:Both of my parents are still alive and married, so I have never gone through what you're going through, but I'd like to think that if something did happen to one or the other of them they would eventually be able to move on, and I'd support them in that. It seems a little selfish to me to expect your mom to act in a certain way (or maybe not expect, but hope) because it would make you uncomfortable (or whatever it is making you). Assuming your mom is still relatively young, what else would you want? Would you prefer she be alone for the rest of her life instead of trying to find happiness with someone else?

I'm not saying you're wrong for feeling the way you do, just that I don't think I would feel the same.


that about sums it up for me...hell, even if she's not young as long as he's a decent guy that she enjoys spending time with good for her
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Re: Widows dating again...thoughts?

Postby Art Vandelay » Thu Dec 06, 2007 11:38 am

Dan Lambskin wrote:
Art Vandelay wrote:Both of my parents are still alive and married, so I have never gone through what you're going through, but I'd like to think that if something did happen to one or the other of them they would eventually be able to move on, and I'd support them in that. It seems a little selfish to me to expect your mom to act in a certain way (or maybe not expect, but hope) because it would make you uncomfortable (or whatever it is making you). Assuming your mom is still relatively young, what else would you want? Would you prefer she be alone for the rest of her life instead of trying to find happiness with someone else?

I'm not saying you're wrong for feeling the way you do, just that I don't think I would feel the same.


that about sums it up for me...hell, even if she's not young as long as he's a decent guy that she enjoys spending time with good for her


Yeah, her age is inconsequential., but judging from the age of the poster and his siblings, she's most likely still in her 40s or early 50s. She could very well live another 30-35 years or more, I don't know why you'd want, or expect her to spend that time by herself if she wanted otherwise.
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Re: Widows dating again...thoughts?

Postby Omaha Red Sox » Thu Dec 06, 2007 12:34 pm

My mother passed away about 6 years ago and my dad has since remarried. Can't say I'm a big fan of the woman he chose, but it's his decision and I'm all for it if it makes him happy. Your mother, just like my dad, haven't been alone for decades now. It's not something they're comfortable with or accustomed to. My dad popped the question way too early in my opinion, but it's his life now and I'd be selfish if I told him I didn't approve for some reason.
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Re: Widows dating again...thoughts?

Postby dclark0699 » Thu Dec 06, 2007 7:24 pm

*exhales deeply* My Grandmother recently passed away from a battle with cancer. It took my grandpa less than two months to start dating someone new. I was shocked, but I guess I understand that he had to be terribly lonely after it happened. My brother moved in with him for the summer, but I guess that wasn't enough.

They had been married for 40+ years - to all of a sudden be alone - I can't even imagine what that feels like. That's why statistically a spouse doesn't live much longer after their partner passes away.
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Re: Widows dating again...thoughts?

Postby Snakes Gould » Fri Dec 07, 2007 12:01 am

Omaha Red Sox wrote:My mother passed away about 6 years ago and my dad has since remarried. Can't say I'm a big fan of the woman he chose, but it's his decision and I'm all for it if it makes him happy. Your mother, just like my dad, haven't been alone for decades now. It's not something they're comfortable with or accustomed to. My dad popped the question way too early in my opinion, but it's his life now and I'd be selfish if I told him I didn't approve for some reason.


i would think that it would be impossible to actually approve of the woman, no matter how nice or good the woman was, because she'll never be anything compared to your mother. and im sure most people would feel that way about the "other woman". i think the best response one could garner would be "yeah i guess she's ok".
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Re: Widows dating again...thoughts?

Postby Omaha Red Sox » Fri Dec 07, 2007 9:33 am

Snakes Gould wrote:
Omaha Red Sox wrote:My mother passed away about 6 years ago and my dad has since remarried. Can't say I'm a big fan of the woman he chose, but it's his decision and I'm all for it if it makes him happy. Your mother, just like my dad, haven't been alone for decades now. It's not something they're comfortable with or accustomed to. My dad popped the question way too early in my opinion, but it's his life now and I'd be selfish if I told him I didn't approve for some reason.


i would think that it would be impossible to actually approve of the woman, no matter how nice or good the woman was, because she'll never be anything compared to your mother. and im sure most people would feel that way about the "other woman". i think the best response one could garner would be "yeah i guess she's ok".


Actually, the best response so far has been :-X . :-D My mom was an incredible person and my dad made the mistake of assuming his next wife, who he hadn't gotten to know as I mentioned, would be like her. Big mistake and now they're separated.
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Re: Widows dating again...thoughts?

Postby Boyakasha » Sat Dec 08, 2007 7:15 pm

Tough regardless of the parent, but I think when it's a mother dating again it's a bit tougher, especially if you're a guy and the oldest son, to boot. It may be outdated, but I think we all tend to have a sort of Virgin Mary complex about our mothers.

I did want to chime in with one thing.
Your feelings are completely natural and nobody's going to blame you for feeling that way, but you're going to have to set them aside.
Whatever you're going through (and I'm not trying to trivialize that loss), your mother's going through it worse. We all grow up with a vague knowledge that our parents dying is inevitable, so it's rougher on the spouse than on the children. With all her kids out of the nest, your mom has to have the feeling that her life is reaching its conclusion. And that prospect is scary and sad and depressing. Dating will give her a chance to feel like her life still has some stories to be told.
I get the need to be protective, but sometimes being protective means not letting yourself get in her way.
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