Non pitcher I would go with Hunter Pence. His upper body is ridiculous looking and he has the most unorthodox swing I've ever seen.
Pitcher I would go with Ben Sheets. His numbers speak for themselves:
366 AB, 10 R, 28 H, 1 2B, 0 HR, 7 RBI, 16 BB, 180 K, .077 AVG, .115 OBP, .079 SLG, whopping -44 OPS+ for his career
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." ~George Carlin