South Carolina Inmate Hits Michael Vick With '$63,000,000,000 Billion Dollar' Lawsuit Alleging Al Qaeda Ties Tuesday , August 14, 2007
Embattled NFL quarterback Michael Vick, facing federal charges related to his alleged participation in dogfighting, has been hit with a "$63,000,000,000 billion dollar" lawsuit filed by a South Carolina inmate who alleges the Atlanta Falcons star stole his pit bulls and sold them on eBay to buy "missiles from Iran," FOX News has learned.
Jonathan Lee Riches filed the handwritten complaint over "theft and abuse of my animals" on July 23 in the U.S. District Court in Richmond, Va.
Riches alleges that Vick stole two white mixed pit bull dogs from his home in Holiday, Fla., and used them for dogfighting operations in Richmond, Va. The complaint goes on to allege that Vick sold the dogs on eBay and “used the proceeds to purchase missiles from the Iran government.”
The complaint also alleges that Vick would need those missiles because he pledged allegiance to Al Qaeda in February of this year.
“Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes,” Riches writes in the complaint.
Riches wants $63 billion dollars “backed by gold and silver “ delivered to the front gates to the Williamsburg Federal Correctional facility in South Carolina. Riches is an inmate at the facility serving out a wire fraud conviction.
FOXNews.com attempted to contact Vick, but neither he nor his spokesman could be reached for comment.
Vick's attorneys, meanwhile, are negotiating a plea deal with federal prosecutors before new dogfighting charges are filed next week, according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
Michael Vick has one -- and ONLY ONE -- possible legal defense against these serious and heinous allegations....
... that's right.... it's the Chewbacca Defense. Take it away, Johnny:
Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider: Ladies and gentlemen this [pointing to a picture of Chewbacca] is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk, but Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now, think about that. That does not make sense! Why would a Wookiee—an eight foot tall Wookiee—want to live on Endor with a bunch of two foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself, what does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense!
Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense. None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation... does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense. If Chewbacca lived on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.
One week before he filed suit against Vick, Riches had filed a suit against three entities -- the Jewish Mossad, the Central Intelligence Agency and "Larry King Live." It was unclear why he was suing them.
In his most noteworthy suit, Riches submitted a 57-page list of defendants that included President Bush, Pope Benedict, actor Tony Danza, Fruit of the Loom, NASCAR, the Ming Dynasty, Skittles candy, the Philadelphia Eagles (2005 roster), the Doobie Brothers, the Congolese Army, the Magna Carta, "WKRP in Cincinnati," the King's Dominion amusement park in Virginia, the philosopher Plato, and the Liberty Bell.
Micheal Vick violated my copyright laws [yes-- HIS copyright laws] by using my copyright name on his personal football outfit and personal property without paying me for use. This conspiracy started on Jan 10th, 2001 until the day this suit was written. Mr. Vick uses my name to sell T-shirts, Johnathan Lee Riches mugs, Mr. Riches hats.
And gotta love that list of defendants posted above.
One man with courage makes a majority.