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Am I out of line here?

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Am I out of line here?

Postby Spiegepj » Thu Jun 07, 2007 12:29 pm

So I have been with this girl for about 2 months. We dont consider ourselves dating or in a relationship. But we really like eachother and want to make sure everything is right before we go any further into a relationship. My question is that she tells me that she has a hard time trusting people and that she doesn't trust me...

Am I out of line to say straight up to her "why don't you let me know when you trust me, and then we can continue to hang out and think about a relationship." It just kind of hurts to think she doesn't trust me and I can't be with a girl that doesn't trust me..

I guess my question is that because we are not in a relationship, do I not have the right to put her on the spot like that. I think its insane that she doesn't trust me and there is no way I want to go further with her if she doesn't. Any advice to what I could say to her? Thanks
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Re: Am I out of line here?

Postby Coppermine » Thu Jun 07, 2007 12:31 pm

If she said she doesn't trust you, I'd actually consider that a less-polite way of saying she just wants to be friends.

Unless you're like a ladies man/serial killer.
If you're a battery, you're either working or you're dead....
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Re: Am I out of line here?

Postby Spiegepj » Thu Jun 07, 2007 12:37 pm

It's not just me. She said she doesn't really trust anyone and that I would have to get used to it if I dated her.

Coppermine wrote:If she said she doesn't trust you, I'd actually consider that a less-polite way of saying she just wants to be friends.

Unless you're like a ladies man/serial killer.
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Re: Am I out of line here?

Postby J35J » Thu Jun 07, 2007 12:44 pm

Spiegepj wrote:It's not just me. She said she doesn't really trust anyone and that I would have to get used to it if I dated her.

Coppermine wrote:If she said she doesn't trust you, I'd actually consider that a less-polite way of saying she just wants to be friends.

Unless you're like a ladies man/serial killer.



"Trust me", females aren't worth the heart ache!!! Move on to the next one! ;D
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Re: Am I out of line here?

Postby J35J » Thu Jun 07, 2007 12:45 pm

.....I'll say that I didn't mean that in a man whore type of way.... I just mean that females aren't worth the headache. You will have plenty of time waaaayyyy down the road to settle down and have to put up with the headache, but for right now STAY HAPPY!!!!
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Re: Am I out of line here?

Postby StlSluggers » Thu Jun 07, 2007 12:50 pm

Just let her know that if she can't find a way to trust you real quick that you will be gone.

Be more tactful than that, though. ;)
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Re: Am I out of line here?

Postby The Artful Dodger » Thu Jun 07, 2007 1:10 pm

I reckon it's one thing to harbor distrust in the opposite sex after being burned out by a few bad relationships (I'll say it's natural even), but it's harsh to say "I don't trust you" when you're in a feeling out phase with her. It takes out of the fun of getting better acquainted with someone you could potentially go steady with. That should tell you a lot about her character/personality as well and if it doesn't fit you, well ditch the...you know what.

Because nothing really seems to be set in stone with her, you should take a "que sera sera" perspective on things. Not so much about caring about what would become of your relationship with her, but exploring other options as well.
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Re: Am I out of line here?

Postby TheRock » Thu Jun 07, 2007 1:22 pm

I guess it depends on what you want from the relationship. Nothing she said changes the non-relationship you already had. Maybe it helps explain why it's not a relationship yet. Why did she way what she said and phrase it the way she did? Dunno from what you said. Was she trying to push you away, or just asking for some patience as she works through some things? And if it's the latter, is that ok with you? Are you wanting more from her or are you cool with things they way they have been?

It seems you're a little hurt/offended about things. Can't tell if that was her intention or not, but I'd talk to her about that. Start with the assumption that it wasn't what she meant unless you know otherwise. And if you know otherwise, move on. I'm guessing she's been burned before and just wants to take things slow. Really, what girl hasn't. Let's face it men, most of us are pigs.

Or, it could be she's giving you the brush off. And she'll be giving subtle clues nobody can pick up on other than you. Ask her how she wants to proceed and try to get an honest answer out of her. Bring up the topic of ending it, whatever 'it' is, and see what her reaction is. But I wouldn't give ultimatums for trust. That's something that takes time to build in a relationship and is up to everyone to give out at their own pace. If you determine her schedule won't match what you want/need, wish her all the best and move on down the road.
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Re: Am I out of line here?

Postby pokerplaya » Thu Jun 07, 2007 1:24 pm

If you really like her, try to broach the subject of trust, and do everything in your power to earn her trust. If you earn it, that's the only way that it will actually work. However, be cognizant that her issues may be a roadblock that she just can't get past, and this could be doomed from the start. Hope it is not for you, but it has happened to many a guy before, and will happen again.
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