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The Atheist "JOKE"

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The Atheist "JOKE"

Postby kentx12 » Fri May 04, 2007 9:59 am

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees!
What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As
he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes
turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran
as fast as he could up the path.

Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him.

His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster.

He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but
saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him.

At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God....!"

Time stopped.


The bear froze.


The forest was silent.

It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came
out of the sky saying:


"You deny my existence for all of these years, told others I didn't
exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me
to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light and said:

"It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a
Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice.

The light went out, and the sounds of the forest resumed.


....and then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am
truly thankful, Amen."
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Postby StlSluggers » Fri May 04, 2007 10:06 am

Cute ;-D

(I haven't read it. I just wanted to be the first to reply like that.)
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Postby josebach » Fri May 04, 2007 10:18 am

Good one! ;-D

Here's one:
I was walking across a bridge one day and I saw a man standing on a ledge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

"Well, there's so much to live for." "Like what?" "Well, are you religious?" He said yes. I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?" "Christian." "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant." "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist." "Wow, me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God." "Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1789 or Reformed Baptist Church of God, 1915?"

He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."

I said, "Die, heretic scum!!" And pushed him off the bridge.
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Postby Tavish » Fri May 04, 2007 10:27 am

josebach wrote:Good one! ;-D

Here's one:
I was walking across a bridge one day and I saw a man standing on a ledge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

"Well, there's so much to live for." "Like what?" "Well, are you religious?" He said yes. I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?" "Christian." "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant." "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist." "Wow, me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God." "Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1789 or Reformed Baptist Church of God, 1915?"

He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."

I said, "Die, heretic scum!!" And pushed him off the bridge.


Very nice! ;-D
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Postby Absolutely Adequate » Fri May 04, 2007 10:42 am

josebach wrote:Good one! ;-D

Here's one:
I was walking across a bridge one day and I saw a man standing on a ledge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

"Well, there's so much to live for." "Like what?" "Well, are you religious?" He said yes. I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?" "Christian." "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant." "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist." "Wow, me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God." "Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1789 or Reformed Baptist Church of God, 1915?"

He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."

I said, "Die, heretic scum!!" And pushed him off the bridge.


I love Emo Philips.
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Postby bigh0rt » Fri May 04, 2007 12:05 pm

:-b to both of them.
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Postby Snakes Gould » Sat May 05, 2007 2:48 am

yeah both were pretty good ;-D
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Postby Coppermine » Fri Jun 01, 2007 7:42 pm

I didn't want to start a new joke thread so I just bumped the closest one.

This one is called "Cultural Differences"



There is a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded:

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman

2 French men and 1 French woman

2 German men and 1 German woman

2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman

2 English men and 1 English woman

2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman

2 Swedish men and 1 Swedish woman

2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later on this beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere ...

The 1 Italian man killed the other for the Italian woman

The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a "menage a trois"

The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman

The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them

The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman

The Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean, one look at the woman and started swimming.

The two Swedish men are contemplating the virtues of suicide while the woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own and the true nature of feminism. But at least it's not snowing and the taxes are low.

The Irish began by dividing their island Northside-Southside and setting up a distillery. They don't remember if sex is in the picture, cause it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut-whiskey, but at least they know the English aren't getting any...
If you're a battery, you're either working or you're dead....
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Postby Dan Lambskin » Mon Jun 04, 2007 9:26 am

Coppermine wrote:I didn't want to start a new joke thread so I just bumped the closest one.

This one is called "Cultural Differences"



There is a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded:

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman

2 French men and 1 French woman

2 German men and 1 German woman

2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman

2 English men and 1 English woman

2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman

2 Swedish men and 1 Swedish woman

2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later on this beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere ...

The 1 Italian man killed the other for the Italian woman

The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a "menage a trois"

The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman

The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them

The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman

The Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean, one look at the woman and started swimming.

The two Swedish men are contemplating the virtues of suicide while the woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own and the true nature of feminism. But at least it's not snowing and the taxes are low.

The Irish began by dividing their island Northside-Southside and setting up a distillery. They don't remember if sex is in the picture, cause it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut-whiskey, but at least they know the English aren't getting any...


:-b
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Postby mrider » Mon Jun 04, 2007 11:28 am

Dan Lambskin wrote:
Coppermine wrote:I didn't want to start a new joke thread so I just bumped the closest one.

This one is called "Cultural Differences"



There is a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded:

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman

2 French men and 1 French woman

2 German men and 1 German woman

2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman

2 English men and 1 English woman

2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman

2 Swedish men and 1 Swedish woman

2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later on this beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere ...

The 1 Italian man killed the other for the Italian woman

The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a "menage a trois"

The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman

The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them

The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman

The Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean, one look at the woman and started swimming.

The two Swedish men are contemplating the virtues of suicide while the woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own and the true nature of feminism. But at least it's not snowing and the taxes are low.

The Irish began by dividing their island Northside-Southside and setting up a distillery. They don't remember if sex is in the picture, cause it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut-whiskey, but at least they know the English aren't getting any...


:-b


Lol :-B
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