Phils Sign Chuck Norris
May 4, 2007
SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- According to inside sources, tonight at 11:30 PM EDT, Philadelphia Phillies owner David Montgomery and GM Pat Gillick have signed Chuck Norris to an incentive laden contract in an effort to avoid embarrassment in this Sunday night's nationally televised game against rookie hurler Tim Lincecum. In order to give Norris as many at-bats as possible, Manager Charlie Manual will bat Norris in the #1 spot, and move Jimmy Rollins to #2.
Norris will join the team for workouts tomorrow in San Francisco, having just returned from his most recent covert, highly dangerous, ass-kicking mission.
LFoD '08 [1st/3rd], '10 [1st/3rd], '11 [1st/2nd], '12 [1st/1st], '13, [1st/2nd], '14, [1st/1st]
BRAL '09 2nd, '10 1st