Dundret, Sweden – An avalanche in the Alps near Dundret, Sweden has left three baseball players and one Hollywood actor missing.
Sluggers Jason Giambi and Sammy Sosa were shooting another Pepsi commercial in the Alps mountain range near Dundret, Sweden, when Giambi, not fully healed from off-season knee surgery, suffered an undetermined knee injury while climbing the mountain and had to be air evacuated to a hospital in Stockholm. With millions of dollars already committed to the commercial production, Pepsi quickly enlisted highly regarded free agent outfielder Vladimir Guerrero to team up with Sosa to complete the commercial.
Upon hearing of Guerrero’s involvement, Baltimore Orioles officials, desperate to sign Guerrero, hastily dispatched their newly signed shortstop Miguel Tejada in an attempt to lure Guerrero into signing a contract. Shortly after Tejada parachuted into the Alps, it is believed that actor and director Billy Crystal arrived to the set of the commercial. Later that day the entire location of the production was covered by an avalanche.
It is unknown exactly why Crystal appeared, but Don Zimmer and Red Sox president Larry Lucchino claim that Yankees owner George Steinbrenner was behind it.
“He’s diabolical,” said an emotionally distraught Zimmer.
The diabolical Steinbrenner, apparently secretly miffed about the fact that Crystal is a minority share holder of the Arizona Diamondbacks, persuaded the director of 61* to travel to the on-site location of the commercial and attempt to lure Guerrero into wearing pinstripes next season.
Reeling from the box office disaster Analyze That, it is believed that Steinbrenner guaranteed that he would fully fund the production of a second sequel to Analyze This should the Hollywood star find his career in worse shape than it already is.
“I told you he was evil,” said Lucchino. “He didn’t even want Guerrero. He just wanted to get rid of the competition—and Billy. He sent that poor actor on a suicide mission. I thought people were too hard on him when he hosted the Oscars.”
Crystal’s personal assistant was the only person found so far to have survived the avalanche. He claimed that Crystal and the three baseball stars were huddled around a television watching When Harry Met Sally.
“They were watching that famous orgasm scene, you know, the one with Meg Ryan where she gets really loud and screams, and suddenly the ground just started shaking. When I walked out of the tent to see what the noise was a wave of snow just crashed into me.”
No more survivors or bodies have been uncovered from the site of the avalanche.
Steinbrenner, who is recovering from a faint he suffered at a funeral late last week, was unavailable for comment. Baltimore Orioles executive vice president Jim Beattie released a statement saying “Our organization remains hopeful that the rescue crews will be able return those that were a part of the commercial production as safely and quickly as possible.”
When asked by a reporter what could happen to the team if Tejada and Guerrero were not to return, Beattie responded, “How can you ask such a question? I mean, I really really don’t want to see Cordova or Cust get more playing time. Have you seen them? Worst case scenario, I guess we could always sign Aurilia.”
Yes doctor, I am sick. Sick of those who are spineless. Sick of those who feel self-entitled. Sick of those who are hypocrites. Yes doctor, an army is forming. Yes doctor, there will be a war. Yes doctor, there will be blood.....
I created this post because I was getting frustrated with the inactivity in his free agency. Now, finally, there is news. Evidently, Baltimore and Guerrero's agent have been talking and a deal may be signed soon. But then again, we've all heard that before. I don't remember a major free agent being left unsigned for so long.
kentx12 wrote:In a perfect world AOL would sell the Braves back to Turner and Vlad would end up there. that would give a permanent spot for him with Drew on the dl. In the real world it will be the O's
i'll second that one!
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