The 2003 Darwin Awards - Fantasy Baseball Cafe 2015 Fantasy Baseball Cafe
100% Deposit Bonus for Cafe Members!

Return to General Talk

The 2003 Darwin Awards

Moderator: Baseball Moderators

The 2003 Darwin Awards

Postby Mad'sWife » Fri Dec 12, 2003 2:29 pm

I don't know but I think was is a repeat! It still is funny...
 The 2003 Darwin Awards
 
In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards, here they are. The awards this year are, once again, truly classic.
 
These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. Just think ... until these events, these same people were walking the streets like normal people.
 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
---
 
5th RUNNER-UP: (this is UNbelieveable, yet TYPICAL!!!)
 
Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad. The 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Central Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt. Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department.
 
The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been investigated and determined the tower he hit was the one with its pad removed.
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
4th RUNNER-UP:
 
Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelo grabbed hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without paying. Police found him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat where it had choked him to death.
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
3rd RUNNER-UP:
 
Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell on him.
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
2nd RUNNER-UP:
 
"Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia party
(probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who used the .22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it." "It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll show you how to set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer was listed in uarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne said.
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
1st RUNNER-UP:
 
Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be released soon from the hospital. Tony berts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grants Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, I feel so dumb about this." No charges have been filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's office said the initiation stunt is under investigation.
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Now, THIS YEAR'S WINNER:
 
(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show.
 
They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins) to hop the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunate for
(the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree.
 
Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse, on landing his pocket knife penetrated his thigh.
 
Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw him a rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on his friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal injuries.
 
Upon moving the truck, they found John under it half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in the air.
 
Congratulations gentlemen, you win...
We either make ourselves happy or miserable.

The amount of work is the same.
Mad'sWife
College Coach
College Coach

User avatar

Posts: 294
Joined: 15 Oct 2003
Home Cafe: Baseball
Location: Fort Worth Tx

Postby Madison » Fri Dec 12, 2003 5:26 pm

Now those are some incredibly stupid people. 8-o
Yes doctor, I am sick.
Sick of those who are spineless.
Sick of those who feel self-entitled.
Sick of those who are hypocrites.
Yes doctor, an army is forming.
Yes doctor, there will be a war.
Yes doctor, there will be blood.....
Madison
Mod in Retirement
Mod in Retirement

User avatar
ExecutiveEditorCafeholicFantasy ExpertCafe WriterCafe RankerMock(ing) DrafterEagle EyeCafe SpotterInnovative MemberCafe MusketeerPick 3 ChampionMatchup Meltdown SurvivorLucky Ladders Weekly Winner
Posts: 53856
(Past Year: 1)
Joined: 29 Apr 2003
Home Cafe: Baseball
Location: Taking Souls...

Postby wrveres » Fri Dec 12, 2003 5:53 pm

Upon moving the truck, they found John under it half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in the air.
Image

roflmao :-D

Now I know why I don't eat Hot Dogs either .... :-)
wrveres
Hall of Fame Hero
Hall of Fame Hero

User avatar
CafeholicFantasy ExpertCafe WriterEagle EyeInnovative MemberCafe Musketeer
Posts: 31783
(Past Year: 671)
Joined: 2 Mar 2003
Home Cafe: Baseball

Postby Pedantic » Fri Dec 12, 2003 7:54 pm

Hmmm...looks like the Northwest is ready to corner the market in this area. ;-) (I live in the Northwest ;-) )
Image
Pedantic
Hall of Fame Hero
Hall of Fame Hero

User avatar
CafeholicEagle EyeCafe Musketeer
Posts: 6725
Joined: 5 Dec 2003
Home Cafe: Baseball
Location: Funny movie quote that everyone knows

Postby Swinger » Fri Dec 12, 2003 11:38 pm

Horribly amusing. :*)
Swinger
Minor League Mentor
Minor League Mentor

User avatar
Mock(ing) Drafter
Posts: 808
Joined: 22 Sep 2003
Home Cafe: Baseball

Postby Sox FANatic001 » Sat Dec 13, 2003 6:18 pm

John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the George Washington amphitheater


yet another reason i dont like metacalla ;-)
Lets Go patsox!

yay! sox win!!!
bambino-1918-2004
Rest In Pain ;-)

Big David Ortiz Rocks my socks off
him and pokey
Sox FANatic001
General Manager
General Manager

User avatar
Cafe Ranker
Posts: 2450
Joined: 23 Nov 2003
Home Cafe: Baseball
Location: partying with big papi after the win!

Postby DieHardCubbie » Sun Dec 14, 2003 12:44 am

This goes to support my claim.....stupidity is the number one killer of people..... :-b
[b]Useless Trivia of the day[/b]

England's Worcester Canoe Club set the world record for paddling a hand-propelled bathtub. The 25 man team covered a distance of 55 miles, 425 yards in 24 hours on September 28 and 29, 1979.
DieHardCubbie
Hall of Fame Hero
Hall of Fame Hero

User avatar
Fantasy ExpertMock(ing) DrafterEagle EyeInnovative MemberPick 3 Weekly Winner
Posts: 13084
Joined: 13 Feb 2003
Home Cafe: Baseball
Location: floating around on the 3rd rock

Postby Madison » Sun Dec 14, 2003 1:07 am

Sox FANatic001 wrote:yet another reason i dont like metacalla ;-)


Metalllica isn't that bad. :-) Especially the S&M CD where they played with the San Francisco Phil Harmonic Orchestra. ;-D
Yes doctor, I am sick.
Sick of those who are spineless.
Sick of those who feel self-entitled.
Sick of those who are hypocrites.
Yes doctor, an army is forming.
Yes doctor, there will be a war.
Yes doctor, there will be blood.....
Madison
Mod in Retirement
Mod in Retirement

User avatar
ExecutiveEditorCafeholicFantasy ExpertCafe WriterCafe RankerMock(ing) DrafterEagle EyeCafe SpotterInnovative MemberCafe MusketeerPick 3 ChampionMatchup Meltdown SurvivorLucky Ladders Weekly Winner
Posts: 53856
(Past Year: 1)
Joined: 29 Apr 2003
Home Cafe: Baseball
Location: Taking Souls...

Postby Pedantic » Sun Dec 14, 2003 4:02 am

On Conan O'Brien, the woman that writes the Darwin Awards book was on and she said some guy had a fuse go in his headlight, so he put a bullet (well, not technically a bullet) where the fuse was because it fit perfectly, and while he was driving, the cartridge detonated because of the electric charge and the bullet ended up in his crotch. Makes me wonder what caliber ammunition it was. !+)
Image
Pedantic
Hall of Fame Hero
Hall of Fame Hero

User avatar
CafeholicEagle EyeCafe Musketeer
Posts: 6725
Joined: 5 Dec 2003
Home Cafe: Baseball
Location: Funny movie quote that everyone knows

Postby mikcou » Sun Dec 14, 2003 11:20 am

DieHardCubbie wrote:This goes to support my claim.....stupidity is the number one killer of people..... :-b


definetly
mikcou
Major League Manager
Major League Manager

User avatar
Mock(ing) Drafter
Posts: 2060
Joined: 28 Oct 2003
Home Cafe: Baseball
Location: Red Sox Nation

Next

Return to General Talk

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests

Forums Articles & Tips Sleepers Rankings Leagues


  • Fantasy Baseball
  • Article Submissions
  • Privacy Statement
  • Site Survey 
  • Contact