Well, here's an update.
The gay way out isn't going to work. If you tell them you have had homosexual relations, they kick you out without honors (and he'd lose his GI Bill). If they catch you having the relations, the same penalty applies. You stand a chance if you tell them you've been having funny feelings in the shower and you've started watching Project Runway, but that's a long shot. No good.
His back and foot are not good, but given our predicament they are not enough to get him out of the service. That's out. If only he could develop butt cysts...
He could say he has a "hardship" and hope for the best, but the army's definition of a hardship is more stringent than mine. His father has Parkinsons and his mother clearly can't help, but they'll just tell him to put dad in a home. So that's probably not going to work.
I've been advocating for him all day and actually got through to a congressman today. Yesterday I spoke with an ambassador/crony/friend of Bush's. I'm hoping that a powerful person will slip him through the cracks.
But it looks like his best hope will be the back and foot injury. The problem with that is that it will ruin his entire semester. He'll have to get rid of his apartment, put his stuff into storage, and head into S.C. to spend a month being checked out by the Army's doctors. He can also fake psychological problems there (he's considering getting a swastika tattoo on his back for that reason) but the problem remains: He'll - at the very least - have to spend a month in S.C. He'll fail his classes and he'll lose his apartment and the 21 year old he's sleeping with will probably find someone else.
If anyone has any other suggestions, I'm all ears.