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Why did the chicken cross the road?

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

Postby Omaha Red Sox » Mon Aug 28, 2006 9:07 am

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road.
What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on
his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.

OPRAH:
Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why
he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We
just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DONALD RUMSFELD:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

ANDERSON COOPER/CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we
have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am for it now, and will remain against it.

JUDGE JUDY: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see
it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was
going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road
But why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain
truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's why they call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too.
I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media
whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that!

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody
told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together -in peace.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2006, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken. The Platform is much more stable and will never Reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move
beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
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Re: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Postby Mugrila » Mon Aug 28, 2006 9:26 am

Omaha Red Sox wrote:JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am for it now, and will remain against it.


COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?



My favorites. :-b


Good read ORS. ;-D
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Postby Coppermine » Mon Aug 28, 2006 9:50 am

These are very good, but this is how I think Dr. Phil would really handle the situation:

DR PHIL:
"This chicken is headin' for a train wreck! You've gotta get yer head outta yer butt and just cross the gorsh darn road!!!!"
If you're a battery, you're either working or you're dead....
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Postby Madison » Mon Aug 28, 2006 10:04 am

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.


Ain't that tha' truth. :-b



Nice read! ;-D
Yes doctor, I am sick.
Sick of those who are spineless.
Sick of those who feel self-entitled.
Sick of those who are hypocrites.
Yes doctor, an army is forming.
Yes doctor, there will be a war.
Yes doctor, there will be blood.....
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Postby teddy ballgame » Mon Aug 28, 2006 10:14 am

I thought this was going to relate to this pic posted at the dark side:
Image

O:-) Nice read though. ;-D
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Re: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Postby raiders_umpire » Mon Aug 28, 2006 10:58 am

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody
told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.




I have heard that story many times from my grandpa.
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Postby acsguitar » Mon Aug 28, 2006 12:29 pm

Man I'm a nerd

stupid IE

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2006, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken. The Platform is much more stable and will never Reboot.
I'm too lazy to make a sig at the moment
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Postby SaintsOfTheDiamond » Mon Aug 28, 2006 12:45 pm

acsguitar wrote:stupid IE

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2006, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken. The Platform is much more stable and will never Reboot.

... and we'll do it in twice the time and three times the cost of the alternatives but through our strong-arming of the federal government you will be led to believe you have no choice but to accept the chicken crossing the road.
O:-)

acsguitar wrote:Man I'm a nerd

Not the only one though. ;-)
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Postby The Artful Dodger » Mon Aug 28, 2006 1:09 pm

SaintsOfTheDiamond wrote:
acsguitar wrote:stupid IE

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2006, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken. The Platform is much more stable and will never Reboot.

... and we'll do it in twice the time and three times the cost of the alternatives but through our strong-arming of the federal government you will be led to believe you have no choice but to accept the chicken crossing the road.
O:-)

acsguitar wrote:Man I'm a nerd

Not the only one though. ;-)


Hey, if I made a Futurama reference on the Pluto thread and enjoy watching Monty Python, then I'm a nerd too. :^
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