Funniest Baseball Quotes

[ordinarygenius]

LaSorda is indeed a great source. He once said of Mike Scioscia, who was a slow runner:

"If he raced against his pregnant wife, he'd finish third."

[Dr. Duran Duran]

There's always Yogi-isms...

http://www.umpirebob.com/DATA/yogiisms.htm

[jealousblues]

"Bob Gibson was the luckiest pitcher I ever saw, He always seemed to pitch on the days the other team didn't get any runs"

[Mashug]

“When I came up to bat with three men on and two outs in the ninth, I looked in the other team's dugout and they were already in street clothes.” - Bob Uecker

"You have to have a catcher because if you don't you're likely to have a lot of passed balls.” -Casey Stengel

"Out of what, a thousand?"

Mickey Rivers, responding to teammate Reggie Jackson's claim he had an IQ of 160.

Charles Barkley yelling to 300-plus-pound Houston Rockets teammate Stanley Roberts...
"Hey Stanley, you could be a great player if you learned just two words: I'm full."

[wrveres]

Colemanisms. There is no better

"All the Padres need is a fly ball in the air."

"Mike Caldwell, the Padres right-handed southpaw, will pitch for San Diego tonight."

"Larry Moffet is 6-3, six three, 190. Last year he was 6-6.

"Well, it looks like the All-Star balloting is about over, especially in the National and American leagues."

"Rich Folkers is throwing up in the bullpen."

"Johnny Grubb slides into second with a standup double."

"There's a long drive to center field. Winfield is going back, back, back. Oh No! He hits his head against the wall and it's off rolling to second base. This a terrible thing for the Padres."

"Complete games are like dinosaurs. You don't see them very often anymore."

"Do not announce a game without pants on, no matter how hot it is in the booth."

"Sometimes when you get an idea, you get such a good idea, that it doesn't work."

"Pitcher Randy Tomlin got his front leg behind his back, and it doesn't work that way."

"The sentiment of this crowd swings up and down like a pendulum."

"The ball game is over ... in this inning."

"McCovey swings and misses, and it's fouled back."

"The way he's swinging the bat, he won't get a hit until the 20th century"

"On the mound for the Padres is Randy Jones, the lefthander with the Karl Marx hairdo."

"Bob Davis has his hair differently this year, short with curls like Randy Jones wears. I think you call it a Frisbee."

"There's a shot up the alley. Oh, it's just foul."

"And it's a long drive down the line to center field."

"The first pitch to Tucker Ashford is grounded into left field. No, wait a minute. It's ball one. Low and outside."

"That's Hendrick's 19th home run. One more and he reaches double figures."

"The ex-left-hander Dave Roberts will be going for Houston."

"Hector Torrez, how can you communicate with Enzo Hernandez when he speaks Spanish and you speak Mexican?"

"I sure hope you're staying alive for the upcoming Dodgers series."

"And Kansas City is at Chicago tonight, or is it Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter as Kansas City leads in the eighth 4 to 4."

"Sometimes, big trees grow out of acorns. I think I heard that from a squirrel."

"The Cards lead the Dodgers 4-2 after one inning and that one hasn't even started."

"The last time Pena faced the Padres, the Dodgers scratched for a run to tie the game and then went on to win 4-0."

"That home run ties it up, 1-0."

"Trailing 5-1, the Padres added an insurance run in the eighth inning."

"Gene Richards swings, the ball bounces foul and hits him in the head. No harm done."

"Sunday is Senior Citizens' Day. And if you want to become a senior citizen, just call the Padre ticket office."

"Boros is not with the team today because he's attending his daughter's funeral. Oh, wait, it's her wedding."

[Tavish]

Colemanisms. There is no better

Some his screw-ups were absolutely classic.

My favorite two were always

Broadcasting from Royals Stadium "The sky is so clear today you can see all the way to Missouri."

and

"The Padres, after winning the first game of the doubleheader, are ahead here in the top of the fifth and hoping for a split."

[Steve-o]

Funny in hindsight:


"I don't think he is a major league prospect. He can't hit, he can't run, he has a pretty good arm, but it's a scatter arm. I don't like him."

-Cardinal scout sent to sign in Ernie Banks in spring of 1953.


"He is not the Red Sox' type of player."

-Larry Woodall, the Red Sox scout sent to sign Willie Mays in 1949.

[Tavish]

Funny in hindsight:

"He is not the Red Sox' type of player."

-Larry Woodall, the Red Sox scout sent to sign Willie Mays in 1949.

That one was dead on accurate in the context of how the Red Sox ran their organization at the time, but more sad than funny.

[madmax391]

Whitey Herzog after 90+ year old owner Gussy Busch offered him a lifetime contract, "Your life or mine?"

[GotowarMissAgnes]

Some of Weaver's best:

"I'd rather you walk with the bases loaded." - Earl Weaver, replying to a religious member of the Orioles who had said: "Gee, Earl, you got to walk with the Lord."

"Economics played a role in coming back, sure it did. Ralieghs have gone from $6.50 a carton to $9. But they have these coupons on the back. You get all kinds of things with them, blenders, everything. I saved up enough once and got Al Bumbry." - Earl Weaver

"You can't sit on a lead and run a few plays into the line and just kill the clock. You've got to throw the ball over the goddamn plate and give the other man his chance. That's why baseball is the greatest game of them all." - Earl Weaver

"My best game plan is to sit on the bench and call out specific instructions like 'C'mon Boog,' 'Get ahold of one, Frank,' or 'Let's go, Brooks.'" - Earl Weaver

"It's what you learn after you know it all that counts." - Earl Weaver