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I'm Not Gonna Take It

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Postby Lofunzo » Sat Jul 29, 2006 4:54 pm

Most of my friends I have known since highschool and before. Guys seem to be more like that than girls. Anyway, they are good friends, not like those guys.
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Postby Laean » Sun Jul 30, 2006 4:07 am

1. doesn't seem like they're really your friends.

2. they seem like bullies/tools. seems odd to me that you would've been in that group for so long and not be one as well. unless you were always a little different from them or something.

3. i'd suggest you talk to the ones that are closest to you one on one. don't talk to them in a group. try talking to osmeone one on one and see what's up.

4. as for the new development, i'd give those 2 who apologized a chance. you don't want to give them any more reasons to think you're snubbing them or uptight or whtaever.

5. F highschool. it's nothing compared to college. don't sweat it.
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Postby DaQ » Fri Aug 04, 2006 10:29 pm

I know it took me a while to reply here, but thanks for the advice everyone.

Basically at this point, I really only trust one of them (he was away for a month and had nothing to do with any recent events) and am hesitant about doing anything now with the others - it's a matter of trust.

When one of them calls (this being one of the two guys that apologized), I'll probably only be willing to go IF
1.) It's a really great or very big event
2.) I would be ok with everyone involved (figuring like 5-6 people are involved).

For example, one of the two guys called me tonight asking to meet at a certain place (I was out w/ family earlier anyway, so it's not like I was at home all this time lol :-b ). He was with my best friend (the one I trust), but also with one of the guys that has annoyed me a lot lately and some other guy that I don't care for. Of course it seemed like I was snubbing him here, but I won't say out in the open "I'm not going because (so and so) is there too." I just make up an excuse not to go - not necessarily a total BS excuse, but something that puts me in the clear. My reasoning for not jsut coming out with the truth over the phone is that these guys will tend to get "speaker-happy" and not tell you you're talking to them through speaker mode, so badmouthing the group here wouldn't be the best solution.

Bottom line is they have to regain my trust before I agree to go out with them comfortably again. With less than a month till college, I don't feel a great urge to have to go out with these guys either, especially now since they are starting to hang with guys I don't associate myself with.
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Postby Submariner » Tue Aug 08, 2006 2:30 am

A matter of trust? Are you married to these guys or something? It kinda sounds like you are, and it kinda frickin' creeps me out. I avoid "spilling my guts" to people I just hang out with. Keep your close friends and just aim to have fun with the rest. If you're not having fun with them, don't hang out with them anymore. I assume your idea of a good time isn't sweating over the latest chapter in an emotional saga (if it is, then you're certainly on the right track). I contend that you're just making things more complicated than they are. Don't take things so personally, because they're just feeding off of that. I'm not saying to not be yourself, but try to restrain yourself. Nor am I saying that you shouldn't be emotionally open, but there is a time and place for that. No one wants to hang out with someone who's always complaining about how he's being treated, and no one wants to hang out with someone highlights his own problems all the time. Eventually, you will start to appear high-maintenance and self-centered, even if you aren't.

Talk about things all you want, but eventually it all ends with you. The onus is not on them to not make you drink; it's on you to choose not to drink. Make your choice and be done with it. There's no need for lengthy explanations or justifications. That just sounds like you're doing something wrong (and you're not). Who cares what your reason for something is? What's the difference between not drinking because of medical issues and not drinking because you'd rather not? People don't care, so why go into so much detail? I think you care more about what other people think of your choices than they themselves care about what your choice is. Most people will respect your decisions and respect you for making a decision, no matter what they think of them. If they don't, **** 'em. It's not like you've signed a contract with these guys. Not everything ends with their actions. You have a free will, too, and you can choose to interact with them or not. If you're not having fun with them, don't hang out with them or talk to them. I'd also agree with the folks that discouraged retaliation; all that does is bring you down to their level. I think you're a good guy, but I think the answers you seek are frequently staring you in the face. You don't need us to tell you what you should do. You won't be able to please all of the people in your life, so just do what's best for yourself. And only you know what is best for yourself.
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