Airplane Gripe Sheet

[Pogotheostrich]

>Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to
>fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for
>those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
>
>After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet,"
>which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
>correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then
>pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be
>said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
>maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P)
>and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

>By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
an accident.
>
>pilots complaints (marked with a P)
>
>solutions recorded (marked with an S)
>
>
>P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>
>P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
>P: Something loose in cockpit.
>S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>
>P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
>P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
>S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
>P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>S: Evidence removed.
>
>P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
>P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>S: That's what friction locks are for.
>
>P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
>S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
>P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>S: Suspect you're right.
>
>P: Number 3 engine missing.
>S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
>P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
>S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>
>P: Target radar hums.
>S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>
>P: Mouse in cockpit.
>S: Cat installed.
>
>And the best one for last.................
>
>P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
>pounding on something with a hammer.
>S: Took hammer away from midget

[Coppermine]

Bump; this has been posted here before but still hilarious!

One of my personal favorites.

[Pogotheostrich]

Bump; this has been posted here before but still hilarious!

One of my personal favorites.

You're right. I did a search for airplane and gripe and nothing came up. But since you said something I searched for Qantas and found it.

[Madison]

It's still downright funny . I've got this one saved in my email.

[Omaha Red Sox]

Yeah, I've seen it before too, but it's still good stuff.