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How to please the IT person

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How to please the IT person

Postby acsguitar » Tue May 09, 2006 2:47 pm

Some of these are funny.

How to Please Your I.T. Department

01. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

02. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.

03. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.

04. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.

05. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

06. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

07. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

08. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.

09. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

10. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

11. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.

12. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

13. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

14. Don't learn the proper term for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "My thingy blew up".

15. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps
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Postby Dan Lambskin » Tue May 09, 2006 3:14 pm

great post, now go get your shinebox }:-)
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Postby knapplc » Tue May 09, 2006 3:32 pm

My super-sniffy nose detected a whiff of sarcasm in one or two of those. ;-)
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Postby chadlincoln » Tue May 09, 2006 3:41 pm

This is one of the funniest things I've seen in a while. Great post.
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Postby Simulacrum » Tue May 09, 2006 3:49 pm

God, IT people are so whiny. Just fix the dumb computers and crawl back into your caves, you little trolls. }:-)

:-b
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Postby Omaha Red Sox » Tue May 09, 2006 3:49 pm

04. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.


:-b

And to think, I've been breaking every one of those rules. I'm going to start being nicer to these guys and start doing those things listed. ;-D
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Postby Dan Lambskin » Tue May 09, 2006 4:10 pm

Simulacrum wrote:God, IT people are so whiny. Just fix the dumb computers and crawl back into your caves, you little trolls. }:-)

:-b


:-b
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Postby josebach » Tue May 09, 2006 4:12 pm

Simulacrum wrote:God, IT people are so whiny. Just fix the dumb computers and crawl back into your caves, you little trolls. }:-)

:-b


You mean like Nick Burns, computer guy?

http://www.compfused.com/directlink/1353/
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Postby Simulacrum » Tue May 09, 2006 4:22 pm

josebach wrote:
Simulacrum wrote:God, IT people are so whiny. Just fix the dumb computers and crawl back into your caves, you little trolls. }:-)

:-b


You mean like Nick Burns, computer guy?

http://www.compfused.com/directlink/1353/


That is EXACTLY how I picture acs 8-o

Pretty fun little way to make five minutes disappear there. Thanks! ;-D
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Postby acsguitar » Tue May 09, 2006 5:50 pm

Here's my list that I made


1.Instead of giving a detailed explanation of the problem just email us “I need help with my broken computer thing”. That helps us prioritize which problems are really important.

2.Not being able to stream radio is of highest concern to us. Please email us 4 times every minute that you cannot get your streaming radio to function.

3.Tell us that your AOL email is getting a lot of spam and then ask if we can fix it because you are opening it on your work computer.

4.Make sure to request all hardware and software 2 hours before your flight to Taiwan, that you’ve known about for 7 months, departs.

5.Every weekend at around 6 am. Call us from an unknown location miles beneath the earths surface asking why your blackberry isn’t receiving email.

6.We love it when you give us your opinion on why your computer crashed. Its usually very accurate.

7.Make sure to ask for a new laptop every month in order to keep up with the memory and cpu intensive emailing that you do.

8.If you don’t know what a piece of hardware is make sure to just call it something else that you heard on TV. For example if your modem is blinking and you don’t know its called a modem just call it your monitor.

9. When you describe equipment to us make sure you say it looks like a box. Neglect to mention if it has any writing on it or the size of the box. Those things are meaningless.

10. When you lock yourself out of your computer its always because the helpdesk is stupid. We changed your password while you were sleeping in order to have you get locked out and call us about it.

11. Make sure to call us when you computer is slow but only when you have 15 applications open and haven’t rebooted in 3 months.

12. When we ask to remote into your computer to control it. Tell us that that’s fine and you won’t touch anything. Then proceed to try to open myspace.com

13. Make a wireless mouse by yourself just by cutting the cord. Then complain that the mouse isn’t working anymore.

14. Mark everything as urgent especially when it has to do with adding smileys to your email signature.

15.Make sure to complain to use that you can’t download a 15 meg file on your dial up internet while on your work laptop at home. We’ll come right over and change the law’s of physics that is restricting you from downloading massive amounts of information on a 9800k modem.

16. When leaving a message speak really really fast and then hang up. Oh and curse a few times too.

17.Tell us that when you were a kid you used to know DOS. That’s incredibly relevant to the current windows environment we work in.

18.Download as many different weather programs onto your desktop as possible. Its so much more convenient then typing in weather.com or creating a shortcut. And the spyware is fun to remove!

19.Change your screen orientation so it is sideways. Then instead of asking for help just turn your monitor on its side to compensate. Then complain when your monitors case cracks.

20.Make sure to drop your laptop multiple times during the day. They are pretty cheap in todays market and will soon be outdated anyways.
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