After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by and the solutions recorded my maintenance engineers.
(P = The problem logged by the pilot) (S = The solution and action taken by mechanics)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Yes doctor, I am sick. Sick of those who are spineless. Sick of those who feel self-entitled. Sick of those who are hypocrites. Yes doctor, an army is forming. Yes doctor, there will be a war. Yes doctor, there will be blood.....
This is an oldie but a goodie; I read this years ago when I worked at an airport and this list was tacked up on the wall in the maintenance office. Reading over it now still gave me quite a chuckle; or chortle, depending on what your definition of chortle is.
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Coppermine wrote:This is an oldie but a goodie; I read this years ago when I worked at an airport and this list was tacked up on the wall in the maintenance office. Reading over it now still gave me quite a chuckle; or chortle, depending on what your definition of chortle is.
I let out a snort and at least one guffaw.
I think there've been a couple of these added to the end since the last time I saw it, though. It's hard to remember all of the funnies you get in your Inbox, but I'm pretty sure at least a couple of these are "fresh."
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by Madison » Sat Apr 22, 2006 3:39 am 
