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Who said engineers can't be funny?

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Who said engineers can't be funny?

Postby Madison » Sat Apr 22, 2006 3:39 am

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let
it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some
actual maintenance complaints submitted by and the
solutions recorded my maintenance engineers.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot) (S = The solution and action
taken
by mechanics)



P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.


P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.


P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.


P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.


P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're for.


P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.


P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.


:-b
Yes doctor, I am sick.
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Sick of those who feel self-entitled.
Sick of those who are hypocrites.
Yes doctor, an army is forming.
Yes doctor, there will be a war.
Yes doctor, there will be blood.....
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Postby Omaha Red Sox » Sat Apr 22, 2006 9:44 am

Those are hilarious. :-b

Especially:
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.
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Postby bigh0rt » Sat Apr 22, 2006 11:07 am

Very funny, especially that last one. :-b
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Postby Coppermine » Sun Apr 23, 2006 10:03 pm

This is an oldie but a goodie; I read this years ago when I worked at an airport and this list was tacked up on the wall in the maintenance office. Reading over it now still gave me quite a chuckle; or chortle, depending on what your definition of chortle is.
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Postby pokerplaya » Sun Apr 23, 2006 10:13 pm

Some very funny stuff which I enjoyed thourougly! :-b

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.
:-b :-b :-b
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Postby Lofunzo » Sun Apr 23, 2006 10:47 pm

Great stuff. :-D
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Postby chadlincoln » Mon Apr 24, 2006 11:49 am

Great post. ;-D ;-D :-D
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Postby knapplc » Mon Apr 24, 2006 12:15 pm

Coppermine wrote:This is an oldie but a goodie; I read this years ago when I worked at an airport and this list was tacked up on the wall in the maintenance office. Reading over it now still gave me quite a chuckle; or chortle, depending on what your definition of chortle is.


I let out a snort and at least one guffaw. :-D


I think there've been a couple of these added to the end since the last time I saw it, though. It's hard to remember all of the funnies you get in your Inbox, but I'm pretty sure at least a couple of these are "fresh."
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Postby theclefe » Mon Apr 24, 2006 2:11 pm

I laughed at every one.
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