My girlfriend and I have been going out for two years this March. We are pre-engaged and I love her beyond anything I would have imagined two years ago.
Before me, though, she went out with another kid from our high school who was two years older than her. When he graduated, though, he went on a mission for his college (BYU) and they subsequently broke up. Now, he just got back from his mission trip and has began to talk to her now regularly. My girlfriend assures me there is nothing there, but he still writes in letters asking her if she could ever see her with him again.
Do I put my foot down and tell her she cannot communicate with him?
Do I open up dialogue with my ex-gf's to give her a dose of her own medicine?
Should I fight him (I can take him)?
Should I just let it be and hope for the best?
Never trust any other "dudes". I say you take a deeper look into the situation, and find out what's going on. No action just yet, but this other dude is putting himself in a place he doesn't belong.
After two years you need to be straight up honest. Sit her down and say that you are uncomfortable with her seeing him because of the history they have had. Tell her that she was the best thing that ever happened to you wouldn't know what to do without her. Don't hint on that your afarid that she will do something with him.
davidmarver wrote:Do I put my foot down and tell her she cannot communicate with him? Do I open up dialogue with my ex-gf's to give her a dose of her own medicine? Should I fight him (I can take him)? Should I just let it be and hope for the best?
What on earth do I do?
Don't become some strict b/f, it doesn't work ... well unless your some big thug and she is afriad/dependent on you. But yeah, don't do that.
Don't do the whole jealousy marry-go-round either. It just starts up the whole "playing games" thing in relationships. The fight idea is also bad IMO.
If you have been in the relationship this long and already getting into engagement you really have to just trust her. I mean if you don't have trust, you don't have a meaningful relationship. All you can do is express yourself in a calm way with what bothers you, and if your relationship is what you say you shouldn't have a problem.
davidmarver wrote:Do I put my foot down and tell her she cannot communicate with him? Do I open up dialogue with my ex-gf's to give her a dose of her own medicine? Should I fight him (I can take him)? Should I just let it be and hope for the best?
What on earth do I do?
Don't become some strict b/f, it doesn't work ... well unless your some big thug and she is afriad/dependent on you. But yeah, don't do that.
Don't do the whole jealousy marry-go-round either. It just starts up the whole "playing games" thing in relationships. The fight idea is also bad IMO.
If you have been in the relationship this long and already getting into engagement you really have to just trust her. I mean if you don't have trust, you don't have a meaningful relationship. All you can do is express yourself in a calm way with what bothers you, and if your relationship is what you say you shouldn't have a problem.
great advice.
oh, and after that talk you find out that he hit on her, kick his ass.
key sentence...."my girlfriend assures me there is nothing there.." you have to trust her .. it is not about her past, it is where she is now and that is w/you
she's at least going to want to innocently catch up with him, so you'll have to put up with that. after that's out of the way just observe the situation for a bit and go from there. i don't think fighting a missionary will score you points. might as well kick the pope in the nuts.
Do I put my foot down and tell her she cannot communicate with him?
Do I open up dialogue with my ex-gf's to give her a dose of her own medicine?
Should I fight him (I can take him)?
Should I just let it be and hope for the best?
God no, absolutely not, Nope, and kinda.
The best way to go here is to pay special attention to her for the next little while, like you did when you were first dating. But don't panic and do not act like a jerk. She loves you, he's a mormon and just wants some female attention (not any action), and you have nothing to worry about.
I agree with the rest of the guys as well. At this point there's really nothing you can do but trust her. If it continues to be a problem for you, and makes you uncomfortable, do what eftda said - sit down and have a talk with her. tell her how much she means to you and say that it is making you uncomfortable what is happening with the other guy. good luck
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by davidmarver » Wed Feb 01, 2006 12:47 am 
