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Family Guy Quotes

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Family Guy Quotes

Postby OhMrScottyTrav06 » Fri Jan 13, 2006 5:21 pm

I assume many of you have seen Family Guy numerous times. The show is just hilarious. Sometimes it's a little bit over the top, but for the most part it gets my friends and me laughing hysterically when we quote the show. What are your favorite quotes that are appropriate for the Cafe?

Here are some of mine...

---

Lois: Peter,why are we stopped?
Peter: Yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers...
Lois: Peter for God's sakes she's havin' a baby!
Peter: Oh that's right...and a kid's meal... and uh,I, I guess I'll have fries...if I have fries is anyone else gonna have any? Cuz,uh I don't wanna be the only one eatin' them... I'll feel like a fatty.

---

Lois: You're drunk again.
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking.

---

Peter: I know something about stupid phone calls
(phone rings in house)
Lois: Hello?
Peter: I cant take the trash out today im working late at the office.
Peter: The caller ID says your calling from the kitchen. In fact I can see you.
Peter: Can you see me now?
Lois: No.
Peter: Now I am at the office.

---

Peter: Are you gonna eat that stapler?
TV Executive: You...can't eat a stapler.
Peter: Wanna split it?

---

Meg: Mom, Dad--am I ugly?
Lois: Oh of course not sweetie!
Peter: Yeah, where'd you get a stupid idea like that?
Meg: Craig Hoffman.
Peter: Crai....Craig Hoffman said that? Well, he's a sharp kid. You might be ugly.
(Meg runs out crying)

---

Brian: Hola, me llamo es Brian ... Nosotros queremos ir con ustedes.. uhhhh ...
Bellboy (Spanish): Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said "me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es," just me llamo Brian.
Brian: Oh, oh you speak English!
Bellboy (sigh): No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.
Brian: You .... you're kidding me, right?
Bellboy (Spanish): Que?

---

Brian: Hey, do you hear that?
Peter: What?
Brian: Sounds like someone's screaming.
Peter: What? What is it boy? What are you trying to say?
Brian: It sounds like Loretta is screaming.
Peter: Trouble at the old mill?
Brian: What are you insane?
Peter: Somebody fall through the ice?
Brian: It's summer.
Peter: Bobcat?
Brian: RURURURURURU!!!
Peter: Loretta's in trouble?! Come on boy!

---

Peter: I'll give you $40 for that coffin.
Store Owner: Sir, this casket is $1,000.
Peter: I'll give you $2,000.
Store Owner: Sir, that's double what it costs.
Peter: $60.
Brian (to the store owner): He doesn't know how to haggle.

---

Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.

---

Peter: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.
Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?
Peter: Oh yeah.

---

The one that takes the cake:

Peter: It's already done. I dropped them all off at Toys for Toddlers last night.
Brian: All? Peter, only only one gift was for charity, the rest were for the family.
Peter: No, the rest were from the family. Weren't they? (Pauses.) Oh crap...since when did they change the meaning of "for" to "from"?
Brian: They had a meeting about it last night.
Peter: Why wasn't I told?
Brian: They sent you a card, but it said "for Peter" on it so you must of thought it was from you, so you didn't...you know, its just easier to call you stupid.
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Postby bigh0rt » Fri Jan 13, 2006 5:28 pm

I'm not one of the cult Family Guy fanatics that seemed to run rampant during my undergrad days, but I have watched several episodes, and the funniest thing to me was during a flashback when they were playing charades:

"Jackal? Is it a jackal? It's a jackal. Jackal? Is it a jackal?"

Followed by ripping the man apart for it not being a jackal the first time he said it.
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Postby BaseballFann0008 » Fri Jan 13, 2006 5:44 pm

"giggity giggity"
Hot Chick Draft:
1.01: Scarlett Johansson
2.12: Mila Kunis
3.01: Malin Akerman
4.12: Britney Spears
5.01: Jessica Simpson
6.12: Penelope Cruz
7.01: Tera Patrick
8.12: Christina Milian
9.01: Cameron Diaz
10.12: Lucy Liu
11.1: Jamie Lynn Sigler
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Postby bigken117 » Fri Jan 13, 2006 5:46 pm

Never seen it :-b

Lois: I guarantee you a man made that commercial.
Peter: Of course a man made it. It's a commercial Lois, not a delicious thanksgiving dinner.
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Postby baseball6791 » Fri Jan 13, 2006 9:41 pm

LMAO those were some good ones :-b

Some of my favorites:

Peter: Sir, I'm sorry, your wife is a vegetable.
Man: Really, oh no (breaks down crying)
Peter: No, I'm just kidding... she's dead.

Lois: Good, I don’t have to cook.
Peter: Oh, no, go ahead and cook anyway, Lois, and we’ll throw it out. I don’t want you to get rusty.

Brian: Peter, are you sure? You’ve never had much luck telling jokes.
[flashesback to peter in the middle of a circle of apes with guns]
Peter: Okay, okay. How many dirty stinkin’ apes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?... Three: One dirty stinkin’ ape to screw in the light bulb, and two dirty stinkin’ apes to throw feces at each other! Hehehehehehe...

Chris: Where do you think you go when you die?
Sam: I learned in church that if you’re good you go to heaven, but if you’re bad you go to a place where the dead believe they’re still livin’ and they pray for death but death won’t come.
Chris: UPN?

Peter:I think the lesson here is, it really doesn’t matter where you’re from, as long as we’re all the same religion.

Cow: I go to Baskin Robbins every night and but myself a little treat.
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Postby tal1286 » Fri Jan 13, 2006 9:56 pm

baseball6791 wrote:LMAO those were some good ones :-b

One of my favorites:

Peter: Sir, I'm sorry, your wife is a vegetable.
Man: Really, oh no (breaks down crying)
Peter: No, I'm just kidding... she's dead.



hahah

"It's not so much that I want to kill Lois, no, no, it's just....I don't want her to be alive, anymore"-Stewie

Peter: Ya, I read that in a book once
Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't NOTHING?
Peter: Oh yeah.....

Stewie Griffin: [Picking up the phone] Hello, operator. Hello... Oh god, that's right you have to punch in the numbers nowadays. Uhhh, I should know this. Oh yes,
[dialing number] 867-5309, yes that's it. Wait that's not it, damn you Tommy Two-Tone. Huh, only one thing to do 111-1111, Lois? Damn. 111-1112 Lois? DAMN. 111-1113...

This might be my favorite but there are so many I can't think of:

Lois: What did you promise me last night
Peter: That I wouldn't drink at the stag party
Lois: And what did you do?
Peter: Drank at the stag part--oh ho ho, I almost walked into that one

I also like this one from an ad:
Diamonds, she'll pretty much have to.
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Postby MMoNeY24 » Sat Jan 14, 2006 12:30 am

That episode with Mel Gibson had me rolling. Especially when Stewie and Brian went to the kid that gave Chris alcohol's house and Brian said something to the effect of "...this whole thing has turned Chris' life upside down face" and Stewie just stares at him. Other good parts in that one were the Chris Tucker cartoon in Passion 2 and when one of the monuments on Mount Rushmore tells Jefferson that there's a chick getting boned on his head. :-D
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Postby baseball6791 » Sat Jan 14, 2006 1:39 am

MMoNeY24 wrote:That episode with Mel Gibson had me rolling. Especially when Stewie and Brian went to the kid that gave Chris alcohol's house and Brian said something to the effect of "...this whole thing has turned Chris' life upside down face" and Stewie just stares at him. Other good parts in that one were the Chris Tucker cartoon in Passion 2 and when one of the monuments on Mount Rushmore tells Jefferson that there's a chick getting boned on his head. :-D


Lol :-b That one was great! "You know how to use one of these?" "You know how to use one of theeeeese
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Postby mweir145 » Sat Jan 14, 2006 2:01 am

A few of my favourites:

Jesus misses a putt and it lips out.

Caddie: Aww tough break there, Jesus.
Jesus: Yep, or was it.....
moves the ball by pointing his finger at it.
Jesus: Oh, oh, (falls in) Boo yah!

----------------------------------------------------------------

Steve the Convict: Well, well, Officer Swanson. You and your friends are dead, you're all dead!
Peter: Oh, good, he thinks we're zombies. He'll leave us alone.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Peter Griffin: I've been watching television so much the shows are starting to run together.
Announcer: And now, Homicide: Life on Sesame Street.
Bert: [Answering phone] Hello? Son of a b****. I'm on my way.
[Gets out of bed and gets dressed]
Bert: Some poor bastard got his head blown off down at a place called Hooper's.
Ernie: Bert, I wish you wouldn't drink so much, Bert.
Bert: Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat cookies in the DAMN BED.
Ernie: Bert, you're shouting again, Bert.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.
(Lois and Peter stare in silence)
Meg: I'm alergic to peanuts.
(Peter and Lois keep staring)
Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs)
Peter: Who was that guy?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian: And remember the time when you had an Irish coffee before we went to see "Philadelphia"?
[Shows them in a movie theater with everyone crying except him]
Peter: Oh!, I finally got it. It's the guy from "Big". Tom Hanks! funny guy. Everything he says is a stitch.
Tom Hanks: I have AIDS.
[Peter starts laughing uncontrollably]

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Peter: Woah, wait a second. You're tellin' me I flew all the way to Kentucky for some of your fried chicken and the colonel isn't even workin' today?
Cashier: He ain't real, he dead.
Peter: What?
Cashier: I said he dead.
Peter: Is Mr. Sanders in?
Cashier: What wrong with you, I say you he dead!
Peter: The colonel!


There are some great ones in there.. :-b
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Postby LooseCannon » Sat Jan 14, 2006 10:04 am

Stewie: I walked up into my room and I saw a half dead fat guy eating another dead fat guy.

ONe of my favorites...
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