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Oh, Those Crazy Commies!!

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Oh, Those Crazy Commies!!

Postby RugbyD » Tue Dec 20, 2005 12:38 pm

One of the funniest things I've heard in a long time. And they wonder why they can never create a successful society, though I don't believe Marx would have approved...

http://news.scotsman.com/international. ... 2434192005

Stalin's half-man, half-ape super-warriors
CHRIS STEPHEN AND ALLAN HALL

THE Soviet dictator Josef Stalin ordered the creation of Planet of the Apes-style warriors by crossing humans with apes, according to recently uncovered secret documents.

Moscow archives show that in the mid-1920s Russia's top animal breeding scientist, Ilya Ivanov, was ordered to turn his skills from horse and animal work to the quest for a super-warrior.


According to Moscow newspapers, Stalin told the scientist: "I want a new invincible human being, insensitive to pain, resistant and indifferent about the quality of food they eat."

In 1926 the Politburo in Moscow passed the request to the Academy of Science with the order to build a "living war machine". The order came at a time when the Soviet Union was embarked on a crusade to turn the world upside down, with social engineering seen as a partner to industrialisation: new cities, architecture, and a new egalitarian society were being created.

The Soviet authorities were struggling to rebuild the Red Army after bruising wars.

And there was intense pressure to find a new labour force, particularly one that would not complain, with Russia about to embark on its first Five-Year Plan for fast-track industrialisation.

Mr Ivanov was highly regarded. He had established his reputation under the Tsar when in 1901 he established the world's first centre for the artificial insemination of racehorses.

Mr Ivanov's ideas were music to the ears of Soviet planners and in 1926 he was dispatched to West Africa with $200,000 to conduct his first experiment in impregnating chimpanzees.

Meanwhile, a centre for the experiments was set up in Georgia - Stalin's birthplace - for the apes to be raised.

Mr Ivanov's experiments, unsurprisingly from what we now know, were a total failure. He returned to the Soviet Union, only to see experiments in Georgia to use monkey sperm in human volunteers similarly fail.

A final attempt to persuade a Cuban heiress to lend some of her monkeys for further experiments reached American ears, with the New York Times reporting on the story, and she dropped the idea amid the uproar.

Mr Ivanov was now in disgrace. His were not the only experiments going wrong: the plan to collectivise farms ended in the 1932 famine in which at least four million died.

For his expensive failure, he was sentenced to five years' jail, which was later commuted to five years' exile in the Central Asian republic of Kazakhstan in 1931. A year later he died, reportedly after falling sick while standing on a freezing railway platform
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Re: Oh, Those Crazy Commies!!

Postby Coppermine » Tue Dec 20, 2005 12:46 pm

One of my favorite all-time quotes concerning governments is:

Winston Churchill wrote:It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.
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Postby WharfRat » Tue Dec 20, 2005 1:00 pm

Image
1 3 4 6 7 8 8 9 10 15 16 23 32 37 42 44 49 51

8.14.07: "I guess heaven needed a shortstop."
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Postby RugbyD » Tue Dec 20, 2005 1:04 pm

WharfRat wrote:Image

what the reds failed to account for was the fact that we had Charlton Heston to kick their damn, dirty, half-ape asses!! :-D
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Re: Oh, Those Crazy Commies!!

Postby luckygehrig » Tue Dec 20, 2005 2:59 pm

He returned to the Soviet Union, only to see experiments in Georgia to use monkey sperm in human volunteers similarly fail.


8-o
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Postby PlayingWithFire » Tue Dec 20, 2005 3:22 pm

To Stalin: Too much stress? Need a vacation? Read too much Science fiction lately?

DONG!

Image

and em, You sure this is a credible news source? This isn't CNN or NY Times websites you know.
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Postby RugbyD » Tue Dec 20, 2005 3:30 pm

PlayingWithFire wrote:and em, You sure this is a credible news source? This isn't CNN or NY Times websites you know.

the scotsman is a legit regular news org
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Postby PlayingWithFire » Tue Dec 20, 2005 3:35 pm

RugbyD wrote:
PlayingWithFire wrote:and em, You sure this is a credible news source? This isn't CNN or NY Times websites you know.

the scotsman is a legit regular news org


ok, must been reading too much sci-fi. :-b

Isn't he the one who screw up the Sino-Soviet relationship? Idiot.
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Re: Oh, Those Crazy Commies!!

Postby Half Massed » Tue Dec 20, 2005 3:36 pm

luckygehrig wrote:
He returned to the Soviet Union, only to see experiments in Georgia to use monkey sperm in human volunteers similarly fail.


8-o


I noticed that too... 8-o
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Postby acsguitar » Tue Dec 20, 2005 4:03 pm

This can't be real! I mean I was able to make a monkey human crossbread in my basement the other day!
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