Yankees Announce New Skipper
New York (AP) After an early exit from this year's playoff picture, Yankees owner, the irascible George Steinbrenner, made an announcement today that stunned the NY media, and indeed stunned all of MLB.
Steinbrenner informed the gathered throng that he was re-hiring Billy Martin for his 6th term! Martin died in a car accident on Christmas Day, 1989 and was believed to have been interred in the Gates of Heaven cemetery in Valhalla, New York in a plot near Babe Ruth's.
Unbeknownst to the baseball world, the eccentric, and indeed egocentric Steinbrenner, in an act of subterfuge unprecedented in baseball history, had Billy Martin cryogenically frozen at a cost in
excess of $1,000,000 until such time as medical technology allowed, and the concurrent abysmal performance of the Yankees necessitated such drastic and desperate measures.
Martin played for the Yankees from 1950 until 1957 when he was ungraciously shown the door after being involved in a brawl in a nightclub along with drinking partners Mickey Mantle and Hank
Bauer. While playing for the Yanks, Martin was the World Series MVP in 1963. Subsequently he managed the Yankees a record 5 times between 1975 and 1988. He was fired 4 times and quit the
5th time. The reasons for his firings ranged from benching Reggie Jackson and calling both Jackson and Steinbrenner "liars"; punching out a marshmallow salesman; and once again being involved in a nightclub brawl. Martin won 4 Manager of the Year awards during his stormy career with several MLB teams.
The oft mercurial Steinbrenner, and even more mercurial Martin, have "enjoyed" a love/hate relationship for decades. When asked how long he expected Martin to be at the helm this time, the obtuse Steinbrenner replied in his usual bombastic fashion: "Until he gets me another World Series title, or until he pisses me off - whichever comes first".
When reminded of Martin's famous quote: "I've always said I could manage Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini, and Hirohito. That doesn't mean I'd like them, but I'd manage them", Steinbrenner repiled
with a gleam in his eye and a sardonic tone: "Perhaps that too can be arranged".
When asked for his reaction to how he felt about all this, the uncommonly reticent, but still recalcitrent Martin retorted: "I can't believe the old son-of-a-bitch wouldn't let me lie in peace, but I'm proud as hell to be a Yankee again". When asked his opinion of how the game had changed, Martin rued the fact that Yankee superstar A-Rod makes more an hour than he made in his best year as a player.
BoSox management were called for comment and a source there upon promise of anonimity repiled: "If we can finally emerge from the curse of the Bambino, we can see our way through this futile and feeble attempt to buy yet another World Series. We'll go toe to toe with whoever that crazy old fart decides to dig up".
Calls for a response from the baseball Commisioner's office went unanswered.
Still holds the MLB record for Grand Slams with 23