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Some good baseball jokes to share

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Some good baseball jokes to share

Postby SHOCKandAWE » Tue Jul 12, 2005 11:41 pm

12-year-old Jeff Maier reached out and caught a fly ball at the Yankees-Orioles game, causing Baltimore to lose the first game of the playoffs.

This means that Maier has already caught more fly balls than the entire Mets outfield...




A conceited new rookie was pitching his first game. He walked the first five men he faced and the manager took him out of the game. The rookie slammed his glove on the ground as he yelled, "Damn it, the jerk took me out when I had a no-hitter going."
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game.

For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.

When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the National Anthem started.......the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts" And the patients complied by standing up.

After the anthem ...he yelled, "Down Nuts". And they all sat back down in their seats.

After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts". They all brokeout into applause and cheered.

When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts!!!" and they all started booing and cat calling.

Thinking things were going very well. The doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.

When he returned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, the doctor asked," What in the world happened? "

The assistant replied, "Well, everything was going just fine till a vendor passed by and yelled PEANUTS!"



A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here."

"You don't understand," says the man. "This is no regular dog, he can talk."

"Listen, pal," says the bartender. "If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks."

The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?"

"Roof!"

"Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?"

"Bark!"

"And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?"

"Ruth!"

"I guess you've heard enough," says the man. "I'll take the hundred in twenties."

The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you."

As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"



A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring run....run! The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!" A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!" The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up yelling "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!" All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused.

A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment whisper, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four balls." After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and
screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!"



A Spaniard name Jose came to Miami and wanted to attend a big league game. To his dismay he found that all the seats were sold out. However, the management gave him a high seat by the flagpole. When he returned to his home country his friends asked him, "What kind of people are those Americans?" He said, "Fine people, they gave me a special seat at the ball game and just before the game started that all stood up and sang 'Jose can you see.'"

Bill Clinton was at a baseball game. Before the game began a secret service man came up to him and whispered in his ear.

President Clinton suddenly picked up Hillary and threw her out on the field.

The secret service man came running up to him and said, "Mr. President Sir, I think you misunderstood me; I said throw out the first pitch."


Did you hear about Yankee stadium falling apart? A huge beam fell through the deteriorating roof.

In fact, this was the first time the Yankees have had a problem with crack without it resulting in the suspension of a player.


Did you hear the sad news?

Tony Fernandez tried to kill himself the other day by jumping in front of a bus. Luckily it went right through his legs.


Did you know that Tony Fernandez is Spanish for Bill Buckner?
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Postby SHOCKandAWE » Tue Jul 12, 2005 11:43 pm

I love autumn. It gives me a chance to sit at home and watch the world series.

Kinda like the Pirates.
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Postby SHOCKandAWE » Tue Jul 12, 2005 11:43 pm

Is There Baseball In Heaven?

Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to their early 90's, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they're reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man's friend asks, "Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there's baseball in heaven."

The dying man said, "We've been friends for years, this I'll do for you." And then he dies.

A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend's voice. The voice says, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there's baseball in heaven."

"What's the bad news?"

"You're pitching on Wednesday."
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Re: Some good baseball jokes to share

Postby bigh0rt » Tue Jul 12, 2005 11:45 pm

SHOCKandAWE wrote:12-year-old Jeff Maier reached out and caught a fly ball at the Yankees-Orioles game, causing Baltimore to lose the first game of the playoffs.

This means that Maier has already caught more fly balls than the entire Mets outfield...



:-t lol
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Postby SHOCKandAWE » Tue Jul 12, 2005 11:45 pm

The other day was take your daughter to work day. The Cubs had a fun time, played a little scrimmage against their daughters.

Unfortunately they lost, 15-3.
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Postby Big Pimpin » Tue Jul 12, 2005 11:47 pm

SHOCKandAWE wrote:The other day was take your daughter to work day. The Cubs had a fun time, played a little scrimmage against their daughters.

Unfortunately they lost, 15-3.


That's a good one. ;-D Prior and Wood probably both got hurt, too...
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Re: Some good baseball jokes to share

Postby BronXBombers51 » Tue Jul 12, 2005 11:53 pm

SHOCKandAWE wrote:
Bill Clinton was at a baseball game. Before the game began a secret service man came up to him and whispered in his ear.

President Clinton suddenly picked up Hillary and threw her out on the field.

The secret service man came running up to him and said, "Mr. President Sir, I think you misunderstood me; I said throw out the first pitch."



LMAO :-b
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Postby Half Massed » Wed Jul 13, 2005 12:58 am

Big Pimpin wrote:
SHOCKandAWE wrote:The other day was take your daughter to work day. The Cubs had a fun time, played a little scrimmage against their daughters.

Unfortunately they lost, 15-3.


That's a good one. ;-D Prior and Wood probably both got hurt, too...


:-b

wood strained his arm lobbing it underhand and prior's out for a month after getting hit by a "linedrive", or as we in the business like to call it, the ump throwing the ball back. :-D
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Postby reznorsboy » Wed Jul 13, 2005 1:03 am

SHOCKandAWE wrote:The other day was take your daughter to work day. The Cubs had a fun time, played a little scrimmage against their daughters.

Unfortunately they lost, 15-3.


:-t :-t :-t
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Re: Some good baseball jokes to share

Postby Madison » Wed Jul 13, 2005 1:50 am

BronXBombers51 wrote:
SHOCKandAWE wrote:
Bill Clinton was at a baseball game. Before the game began a secret service man came up to him and whispered in his ear.

President Clinton suddenly picked up Hillary and threw her out on the field.

The secret service man came running up to him and said, "Mr. President Sir, I think you misunderstood me; I said throw out the first pitch."



LMAO :-b


I liked that one too. :-b

Good jokes! ;-D
Yes doctor, I am sick.
Sick of those who are spineless.
Sick of those who feel self-entitled.
Sick of those who are hypocrites.
Yes doctor, an army is forming.
Yes doctor, there will be a war.
Yes doctor, there will be blood.....
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