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How many children can you beat up?

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Postby KPucks » Wed Jun 01, 2005 1:45 pm

I immediately thought of this article when I saw this thread. Perhaps it will help you out.

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2005/4/8schweiger.html
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Postby StlSluggers » Wed Jun 01, 2005 1:48 pm

If it were an individual, king-of-the-mountain battle royale, I could endlessly pummel 12-year-olds without mercy

I'm gonna get fired. I'm laughing so hard at this crap.

:-D :-D :-D
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Postby Transmogrifier » Wed Jun 01, 2005 1:49 pm

Are weapons allowed? If not, can you use the kids as weapons? (You know, grab a small one by his feet and just swing him around at the other kids?)
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Postby BigMusky » Wed Jun 01, 2005 1:56 pm

I disagree about the small room comment. You would be able to back yourself in a corner and limit the angles they can attack from. Wall could be used for leverage and to bash softball size skulls off of.
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Postby Absolutely Adequate » Wed Jun 01, 2005 2:42 pm

KPucks wrote:I immediately thought of this article when I saw this thread. Perhaps it will help you out.

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2005/4/8schweiger.html


This is the article that made us argue last night, actually. Everyone loves McSweeneys. Not the Princess Bride (Why?) or Bad Santa (haven't seen it.)

You get no testicular protection, of course, and you can use the kids as projectiles - which would be a good strategy, I'd think.

Is 50 out of the question? One quick knee to the face and a kid is finished.
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Postby acsguitar » Wed Jun 01, 2005 3:19 pm

Well I did play Ice Hockey in HighSChool...and I wasn't very good at anything but checking people as hard as I could...Also I've been in many Mosh Pits at metal/Hard Rock shows and pretty much held my own even against the bigger guys.

This along with my pretty decent speed and weight of 180 would pretty much make me think that I could take out 3 with a hard body check at a time.

Assuming 3 go down at a time I would assume only 2 would get back up. So if I started with 20 after 3 body checks I can assume only 17 would be left and on and on. Until I came down to the final 3 and they ran away after peeing their pants.

So keeping the faith that I could break a few hear and there with a vicious body check and had the ability to wear a cup I think I could take down 15-20 depending on how tired I was and how bad of a day I had at work.

Now if you gave me roller blades, a hockey stick, a helmet and all of my other old hockey pads I could destroy probably 50+

If I had my iceskates on and we were on ICE and they didn't have ice skates on then I think i could take down roughly the amount of 12 year olds that run out of the School in Pink Floyds "The Wall" Movie.

Of course this is just an estimate
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Postby Fireball Express » Wed Jun 01, 2005 3:49 pm

I think the question should be how long you can last rather that how many you can take. I think it's a matter of stamina. As long as you pace yourself you can kick the snot out of 10 year olds for hours. Basically it's one blow per kid. Unless, that is, if you decide to kill them instead. Those little bastards have endless amounts of energy. Sometimes death may be required.

Also what is their motivation?
Come to think of it, what is my motivation?
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Postby DaQ » Wed Jun 01, 2005 4:03 pm

hmm..I'm only turning 17 and not huge (5'6", 135 lbs). I have decent muscle, but again, I'm pretty small. Considering I had 11-year olds in my camp group that I was a counselor of, I can say around 10 for right now - maybe more since hte kids in my group were immume to pain of any sort (I threw one into the ground and he was laughing and got right up). Also, if there was room for speed, I can pick them apart as someone else said.

Overall though, I'd say 10, maybe more if I get a weaker hand of younglings :-D . When I go into "rage mode", I go crazy, even if some of them are my size :~( . One hard kick to the nuts and I'm done though.
Last edited by DaQ on Wed Jun 01, 2005 4:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby RugbyD » Wed Jun 01, 2005 4:04 pm

if i can't wear a cup, then i think I would agree with the "endurance" answer, but the larger question now is this: to they have rabies or no?
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Postby Bradg533 » Wed Jun 01, 2005 5:24 pm

well... one good shot to the balls would take any man down... :-?
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